Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Traffic and driving in Karachi; the Ali approach.

Hello again rabid followers. I see you have yet to receive your shots. Bartender..

Ha Ha, yes that was indeed a pune.

Today's rant shall be about traffic in Karachi. How it sucks to high heaven. How shit brained motorcycle dudes do whatever the fk they want to and if antyhing happens to them it's always the gari walas fault. I mean what the hell!? A few days ago, traffic was really slow opposite my complex thingy. Cars stopped or moving real slow and what not. The whole nine yards. Out of nowhere, this motorcycle comes streaking in and around cars at around 45kmph. In out left right you name it he did it. Up ahead, on the left side of the road obviously...well not obviously, a bus had stopped(a rare occurence in karachi) to pick up some people. Motorcylce dude miscalculated his last swerve, his bike caught the end of the bus and stopped. He though, went flying on.

Ah, satisfaction.

Oh look some upstanding city folk coming to tell him off and that he got what he deserved..what...why're you helping him?? Is he alright?? Screw him! What if that was a person he'd plowed into?!? Oh please. Sigh.

Moving on. With hate.


I drive fast. Not crazy fast. More like 80-is-my-zone fast. I indicate, stick to the appropriate lanes, over-take from the correct side(the right the right!) and generally am not a douche with wheels. Nothing up there that says other people aren't, is there? Hmm nope. Cuz they are. Faggots.

One of the finer representatives of shit drivers are those who are FoB. Fresh off the Bus. I.e. theyve just moved to the city. Most of them can not read, let alone write. But somehow, they are considered fit for driving. Surely they must start off small, yes?

No.

Besides the few who putter around in those small pickups known only by the manufacturer's name, most of the others get the big stuff. Buses, tractors, trucks and lorries. Take that and apply the law of the jungle and you have some scrap metal fun. I've had quite a few brushes with these 4-6 wheeler death dealers of my own. The most recent I will illustrate.

This happens at the Karsaz Rd and Dalmia traffic intersection, for those familiar. I am going from clifton to Gulistan-e-Johar and hence from Karsaz onto Dalmia.

This is me waiting at the signal. Starting line. Pole position. Everyone around me, get ready to eat my dust.








As you can see, my signal is red. That is all that is keeping me motion-less. If you forget about all the jumping-around-to-the-radio that goes on inside the car.





Okay one signal down, one to go! I know when these guys are done, it's me! Haha! Oh hey wait...that means when they're on Yellow..I am too...I can blast-off early...


















Haha! I was right! We are yellow simulataneously! Eat burnt rubber suckahzxxzzszz!!



Oh...what is that I see out of the corner of my eye....

HOLY SHIT A TRACTOR PULLING THIS TRAILER THINGY!! HE LEFT AT YELLOW TOO!! MUST BRAKE BEFORE I CRASH INTO HIM!!!






*our protagonist has not yet seen that there is not one, but two tractors. this corner-of-the-eye business is very overrated. let us zoom in a bit so that we may see what unfolds more clearly*





WHAT THE HELL THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!??! IF I KEEP GOING I'LL CRASH INTO THE FIRST ONE IF I BRAKE THE SECOND ONE WILL CRASH INTO ME!! WWBD!?








*our story continues at roughly 50kmph which, considering the proximity of the involved bodies, is pretty damn fast*



I'll only have one shot at this. I must brake hard, but not too hard, swerve to the left madly so that im clear of the first tractor and out before the 2nd one slams into me..HOLY STUPID MOVES, THE SECOND DUDE LET GO OFF THE WHEEL, WHY THE HELL ARE BOTH HIS HANDS UP IN THE AIR!?!























Bloody hell that was close.


Nobody gonna take my car
Im gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car
Its gonna break the speed of sound
Oooh its a killing machine
Its got everything
Like a driving power big
Fat tyres and everything

I wish, alas.



6 comments:

  1. Ali, dont you drive on the other side of the road over there... all your illustrations are on the right.

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  2. no. the right lane IS the fast lane here. In the US it's left.
    and WOW!!! you did that?? You're my hero!

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  3. please indicate which car 'me' was driving to have reached the speed of 50 kph before reaching the end of am intersection?... I'm sure Ferrari would like to know how to stuff that much torque into an engine.

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  4. lol is there anyway go to back and delete my comment?

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  5. according to my estimations, the tractors were at 30kmph. were it a car it wouldve been faster, at least i wouldve been faster but considering there size and trundling nature, i think 30. i was around 30 myself. at least. have you experienced a well tuned alto on petrol?

    relative velocity if the 2 bodies were directly opposite would have been 60. since they were coming from my 10, i suggest 50. but admittedly i did not mention the relativity.

    oh by the way the F430 has a 3.5 second time from 0-100kmph. considering the tiny distances involved, i think in around 2 seconds my alto could get to 40.

    an F430 covers a quarter mile in i think 11.7 seconds. which is 400m btw. if youve been here you'll know this isnt even 50m, half the distance being 25. liner maths would give the F430 0.73 seconds to do that but since accerleration is gradual lets be generous and give it 1.5s?

    nah dude, you may think otherwise but i'll take a ferrari over my alto :P

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  6. Just how bored were you to actually make doodles in MS paint and write a kilometre long post?

    You're taking blogging seriously.
    :o

    ReplyDelete