Nobody pays? Play for charity!

After a spate of inactivity since the accursed Oktoberfest show, Flam! managed to score not one but TWO shows. Three actually but two have gone through, the third is tonight and what not so yeah. This is about them.


Radio1FM91 Azaad Foundation/UNICEF Children's Broadcasting Day

Since I know all of y'all have read and memorized the RJing post, I'd like to draw your collective attentions to the events happening in it. Specifically the stuff happening at the benign-sounding "4-ish" time spot. When I was reviewing my voice over stuff with Dennis the Sound Menace, a certain Anita(I don't know her last name, I know I suck) walked in. Anita I happened to recognise from the ADP Nando's show I yelled about here. She was introduced(to them not me, I was just eavesdropping, heehee) as somebody from FM91 and she would like a picture with ADP and I happened to be the person in the immediate vicinity who happened to take that picture.

So I started talking to her. It began rather aimlessly with me just trying to be friendly and ending up sounding weird since I told her that I recognised her from the ADP show and then I just stood there. Hehe she even said something like "Yeah that was me..so...um?". I was mentally kicking myself at this point and wondering why I started this. I made a lame joke about random useless information to escape the situation. Then she asked me where I was from. Here my brain went all patriotic and was urging me to say PAKISTAN. Somehow I knew that's not what she meant. She elaborated khudi se and asked if I was in a band or what and I said yeah I was but I was at the Nando's gig as a friend of ADP.

That's not a lie okay!! I know them, they recognize me BOOM we're friends!! Stop judging me.

Then she asked how much we charge and I said nothing because well, we don't. Not yet anyway. She got all interested suddenly, took my number and all even and told me about this little event coming up at this Azaad Foundation thing in relation with UNICEF and this and that. Stuff I promptly forgot. All I remembered was her telling me she'll be in touch.


She msged the next day and asked if we were free on the 25th and 26th. 25th we were 26th we weren't. Okay cool. Then it turned out that it was only on the 26th. Crap. Emergency measures were taken, Saad and Anes planned to bunk an IBA class, I planned to run away from home again, Owais we didn't tell as usual. We arranged for a soundsystem. Planned our songs. Everything was ready. Except we didn't know where we were supposed to go. Anita had told me vaguely but as always I'd forgotten that too. I looked up the Azaad Foundation people on the net and somehow got the number of the place we were to go to. The person on the phone there gave me an address too. Which I didn't understand. I am so inept.

The day of the...um...on that day chalo, yeah so on that day it turns out that the sound person who was to be there at 10, had reached the vicinity by 10 but couldn't find the place. We gave him the number of the school itself and they didn't reach him for half an hour. We were supposed to be there by 11. We got lost too and got there by 1130. Why isn't there a Google Maps thingy for Karachi!? Sigh. Anyway, we found the place after we got to one of those blasted chowrangis and then sent someone to point us int he right direction. We got there only to find out that the sound people had also only just arrived. It would easily be another half hour till they got set up and all. Saad started to get tense, seeing as how he had to be at Anees Hussain by 1230 and it was already 1150.

I chatted randomly with Anita. She told me this was being done for the UNICEF International Children's Broadcasting Day transmissions and the Azaad Foundation helpd school underprivelaged children and all. Twas a nice idea and a nicer gesture. Heh, our first pseudo charity gig.

It eventually did start and the children were all very eager. I felt pretty bad for them. They were all regular kids and but for the want of money they had to live lives in tattered clothes and unclean environs. I wonder when, if ever, we'll get around to living in a country with universal healthcare and education. Sad really.

The kids weren't really familiar with our music at all. They knew Indian stuff, we didn't. We did end up playing Pehli Nazar by Aatif. Saad the performer was enjoying himself. The children sang along to the chorus as loud as they could. Somehow that merged into Dil Dil Pakistan. They sang along to that too. Turned out to be quite fun.

After that was a mad dash to drop Saad to Anees Hussain, one hour late for a whole new batch no less. Anes to IBA and Owais back home. That wasn't fun at all. Too much driving for one day entirely. We even missed our interview with FM91! Gosh darn it!

the RJ journey begins!

I know all of you have been paying attention hence I won't go into the details of how I want to be an RJ so that I may have some relation to the media and the arts in my life which I expect will be very boring. I'll just bring you up to speed on the very latest developments then get on with the qissa at hand.

City FM89:

This is where I want to go. Properly want, that too. I started properly listening to 89 on the way back from study sessions with the bilal-man a couple of months ago. I understood the tone of the station and the humour and generally got what the people on air were talking about. I even developed strong favourites such as Munizeh who does Rush Hour, Monday to Thursday from 5pm-7pm. Or OmarBilalAkhtar(yes the target of my stalking is an RJ too) who does Manic Monday which comes on Mondays(shockingly) from 9-10pm. Or Wes Malik on GenerationX from 9-10pm on Tuesdays or Amir Naseer on Retro89 from 9-10pm on Fridays. As you can see the 9-10pm slot is what I'm familiar with. I developed much respect for Munizeh who was really good at just being an RJ even though her show has no super-fixed direction, or OBA who is genuinely funny or AmirNaseer who's knowledge of retro music impressed me to no end. This gave a proper direction to my RJing dreams that had existed for a year now and my FM89 aspirations which were around koi 5-6 months se. Sadly FM89, as it turned out, wasn't really checking entries to their online RJ-hunt and I didn't know OBA till then.

Then I finally did meet him and he told me what to do as chronicled towards the end of this post and the waiting began.


Radio1 FM91:

Towards the end of this same post, I mention how I talked to Yasir about FM91, where he is an RJ. Though that meeting didn't come through, coincidentally FM91 launched an official RJ Hunt promotion. I found out about it through a few friends, all of whom had heard it and told me since they knew I would be interested. Now 91 is an okay channel too, but it has much more urdu than 89, which nearly doesn't. Nothing wrong with that but the problem is my humour and knowledge and well everything I would do as an RJ does not translate into urdu shows and urdu listeners. Hence I wasn't as interested in 91. Though I did listen to it's shows quite regularly and on a scale of 1 to 10 of my personal choice where 89 would be 9, 91 I'd put at around 7.5.

So I called them up and signed up for the thing. They said they'd get back to me in a bit.

And they did.

The FM91 adventure

I was told to show up on Friday at 3pm by some Iqbal person. I planned to get there on time, not early so that I wouldn't look over-eager.

230: I was in the area. Crap. Must waste time.

250: Got back after wasting some time getting credit and random driving around. Called Iqbal(he'd given me his number). It was busy. Damn. Went all NSA on his ass and called the number he'd called me from. Yes it was different. Was picked up by Beenish Khan, an RJ, who was in the middle of a show. Why'd she pick up the phone then! I worry I might've ruined her show. She said she'd send somebody when I told her I was here for a 3pm interview and was outside.

310: Still waiting. It's so hot outside and it's February. Thought for a bit about global warming.

315: Some dude comes to me, asks me if I'm Ali, smirks when he sees im sitting on the sidewalk and tells me to go on in. I go in and am told to sit in the waiting area. The couches are covered in plastic, this is the first time I've seen that outside of a movie. Also, they are yellow. Yes that yellow.

320: Iqbal comes up. His lips are red. Lipstick red. No I dont usually notice dudes' lips. But his were...bright. The color of blood that has nearly congealed. A dark shade of red. My eyes began to play tricks on me. He didn't seem gay, his clothes, gait and mannerisms were normal. I began to see shades of foundation around his eye/forehead area. I thought he must be acting for some tv thingy and told myself to stop stereotyping. He tells me he'll be with me in a bit after he sorts out some technical repair thingys that are ongoing. Ali Murtuza makes fun of me and notes that the khuari clock has been going on for 20minutes.

330: Iqbal returns. The interview begins. Which is basically a discussion. Yes my urdu is clear, yes I am aware 91 is 60% english and 40% urdu so as to gain a wider audience compared to 89. No I have no prior experience. Yes I am in this for the work and not the money(like I thought there'd be a lot of that). The dude's okay.

345: I'm sent into a room where a guy with dirty, curly, long hair, a raggedy stubbly beard, a black tshirt and lots of bracelets and chains is introduced as Dennis, the sound dude. He looked a joint away from being the stereotypical stoner dude. Nice. I'm given a paper with minglish promos for TV1 shows and told to take my time, read them over and do them whenever I'm ready.

4-ish: Dennis is alright. This shit is tough. Pauses, emphases, gaps, enunciation. Damn. I do around 10 takes of this stupid 3 line thing. Not to mention the many repetitions of words, phrases and stuff in there.

415: I'm asked to pretend I'm on a show and do something they call "links". Turns out its just the parts where the RJ talks. Intro, middle and end. Two songs after each. I'd only prepared for a monologue that'd fit into the middle. Took a long while and thought up an intro and conclusion too. Beenish Khan came in in the meanwhile and argued with Dennis the Sound menace about something he had to do for a show of hers or something.

430: I do a couple takes of the show thing. Come out to check my work, Iqbal comes in. His lipstick is missing. I tell me to quit being stupid. He tells me I should slow down, redo it. I do.

440: I'm done. Iqbal is Maybelline again. I don't get it. Maybe it's an allergy.. or red light shining in from somewhere? No..why am I even thinking about this?! He tells me he'll get to me asap once he's heard the stuff and others have too. I realize 91 does not have a rock show. 89 and 96 do. Aha! Opportunity! I tell him I'm waiting on 89, what should I do in case they call me? He says I should wait a couple of days for him. I tell him I'll go to the audition and they'll take a few days too to decide so it shouldn't be a problem if he gets to me(before them, I don't add. Heck 91 is cool but if 89 agrees to my timings I leave everything behind). I leave.



So there it is. OBA said he'd find out what my 89 deal was in a bit and I'll pester him in a very passive manner till I am not told. Hope something works out. Though I've realised that if 89 doesn't come through, I'm cool with 91.

C'mon Kage now it's time to blow doors down
I hear you Jables now it's time to blow doors down
Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
We'll bend you over then we'll take you to Brown Tow
Now we've got to blow this fucker down
He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
C'mon Kage cause it's time to blow doors down
Oh we'll piledrive ya, it's time for the smackdown
Hey anti-christ-er, Beelzeboss,
we know your weakness our rocket-sauce
we rock the casbah, and blow your mind
we will defeat you, for all mankind

you hold the scepter,
we hold the key
you are the devil,
we are the D

PS: If anyone from 91 reads this, please dont judge me. I just realized that this could screw with my aspirations and shit. Yeah, and shit. Like what if they kill me?!

McDonalds. metal (un)detectors and bond...james bond..

Aao Jiggy hojaen.

Famous last words.

So anyway! I go with me buddy Bilal the Doggy, no idea why he's called that...by just one person, to study and shit cuz we have exams in the beginning of December. Different exams but I go anyway. I can leave the house, drive (which I happen to like) and hang out with somebody who isn't an idiot. Though I suppose other people would call us idiots if they heard the stuff we say and laugh at.

But i digest.

On weekdays, we go to the McDonalds at Seaview to study. Every weekend our relationship with them takes a downward swing. The fact that single dudes aren't allowed has nothing to do with this. We go there cuz we dont mind the chaos, they have tables at the appropriate height and cheap yet effective cappucinos. Which we are now addicted on since we've been doing this for around 3 weeks. We don't accomplish much in the 2 hours that we're there but if were the kind to think about stuff like that we would've been done with our respective ACCAs.

At McDonalds, there is a pair of statues of the man, Ronald McDonald on a pair of benches. Yes one on each. It appears that this seems to form a 'mortal enemy' image in the minds of all children of all nationalities, i.e. Pakistani and Korean. Children will climb on the benches and inflict their best attempts at a smackdown on the figures. They will slap his face, kick him in the ribs and punch his neck. I have seen this many a time.

Also, they have metal detectors. Which do nothing of the sort. Usually the guard standing besides them(guarding the detector I suppose) asks us to deposit our keys and cellphones in this tray besides the contraption while we walk through so that the arsenal we carry upon ourselves is revealed. But they never beep. Even WITH the cellphones and keys they dont beep. WHY HASNT McDONALDS NOT BEEN BLOWN UP YET?! PROOF THAT PAKISTANIS ARE NOT TERRORISTS!!

They also have metal detectors at our single cineplex. I happend to walk through them today when I went to book seats for Quantum of Solace. With everything in my pockets. The thing went nuts. It's beeping made nearly eeryone turn around and look and I could hear their thoughts as they said "OMG, Mullah Omar!......I bet he's here for Dostana..."

Curiously, the FOUR rent-a-cops besides this device didn't appear to give a shit. Or maybe i was walking so fast they thought if they did try to stop me I really would blow up.

I don't need no consolation,
I dont want no reservation.
I only got one destination and that's your dirty love,
Your dirty love.