Sunday, August 30, 2009

the ADP analysis.

Just a little statement before the main course, I'm going to try and post a bit more and keep the posts short. Easier for me, for you, for the world.

DISCLAIMER: This is just going to be one long episode of uthaoo-giri. If you don't what that means you need to chill in Gulshan or with Gulshan-ites a bit more. If you don't know what/where I'm talking about, you need to die in Karachi or never come.

ADP is without a doubt my favourite underground Pakistani band. To the extent that they occupy all the positions on my top5. No one else even comes close.

Analysis has revealed, at least to me, that their secret is in their absolute tightness. The band is one being. Let's start with OmarBilalAkhtar.

OBA is basically a kickass vocalist who really knows what he sounds good at, what he likes to sing, and what's in between. Which, as the Venn diagram below illustrates(people on Facebook, you need to head over to the blog to see this); is what matters. Or so Simon Cowell says.

He isn't a guitar virtuoso, which is a common requirement for many a Pakistani maila listening to MATULL. I do not think he can shred. I do not think he wants to. Which is absolutely fine. But then there are going to be idiots who say "MAGAR YAAR MIXOLYDIAN RUN DAAL DETA TU MAZA AJATA". Look up "chullu bhar paani" you shitbrained pansy.

Also he's funny. Gets the girlies laughing. The dudes too. With none of the "Oh you think he's funny?? Well, fuck him!" nonsense that usual recipients of female fandom get. Frontmen should be entertaining. Keep the people interested. It's either that or he grows his hair long, straightens it, and shows up in a leather banyaan. I don't think that will help but that's all I've got.

Plus he has a Line6 Pod X3 which is absolutely mindBLASTING.

OK is solid as shit. Which is a vague simile at best but that's just the way it is. He will drop a stick at EVERY show but Holy crap on a snare I have never seen anyone play as hard as he does. His face will be like Steven Seagal, expressionless, but you know he will kick your butt. His damn face wobbles with every bang(heehee) and the drums look like they're going to collapse and cause a hydrogen bomb to go off too while they're at it. No fancy tricks, no showboating. Just a nuke on your balding head. That's the OK style.

I am Photoshop illiterate. So sue me.

Every band should have a signature of sorts. With the Red Hot Chili Peppers it's Flea and his crazyness, with GnR it was Slash, with Nirvana it was some punk ass druggie moaner identifying with people who'd be emo except the term wasn't popular then. You get the point. At the start, with ADP, it was Yasir Qureishi and his darbuka. The middle-eastern madness he stirred up in songs like Sultanat or ADPs cover of Rock the Casbah made the experience absolutely insane for first time listeners/viewers. He's expanded his arsenal to include other percussive instruments as well, like a tambourine, egg-rattles(or whatever they're called) etc. The darbuka is to ADP what, say the violin is to the Dave Mathhews Band. You take it away, the song still stands, but with it; it's golden.

Ali Alam is one of our very own singer/songwriter people who's been blackmailed/coerced/fooled into joining ADP(if oba's blog is anything to go by). As a result ADP has acquired a real asset. Ali plays guitar, hence he can provide the rhythms that were missing whenever OBA soloed and hence fills up the sound very nicely. He also has his own songs which I'm a big fan of too. As much as the ADP original originals actually. Hum Na Rahey(Mere Masoom Dost) is amazing. There is no other word for it. Plus his vocal talents help in the backing vocals department too when OBA does his songs and again, fuller sound, greater impact. So much so that now ADP shows involve an audience being hit by a wall of sound in nearly each song. Ali Alam's songwriting skills are also spot on and his coming into the fold as it were, will help ADP in churning out good songs with more ease as compared to a situation where only one person has to do all the writing.

Finally, Rahayl Sidikey. He does bass. And backing vocals. And he does them well.

Originally coming into the spotlight as the only member of Mizraab who looked like a metalhead and not a nerd, Rahayl was asked to join ADP after he played a gig with OBA as part of The Big Cheese and was set to play at the Shanaakht festival with ADP. The fellas liked his chops and 2+2=5, he's in. This guy is badass. I mean he just looks it.
Plus since ADP now has a dedicated bass player, their live act is tighter and sounds bigger than before. Add that to the larger number of people shouting their lungs out in big choruses(THREE!!), the wall of sound thing applies more than ever. Being a bass player myself, I think Rahayl's addition was a real coup for the others since he's really solid and now everyone has a chance to just do their own thing without worrying about any other member since everyone has a dedicated job and they're balls up awesome at it.

And thus we reach the end. This originally started out as a port about when Flam! opened for ADP but it sortve veered off in the start and I thought I'd let it go where it wanted to. No apologies for the cheap pictures. I shall use the "I'm too punk rock for.." Photoshop, excuse. Works everytime.

Mere masoom dost
Tum kyun gum sum rahey
Jese main, jese tum
Jese hum na rahay

Iss khamoshi se
Tum kyun lartey rahey
Jese main, jese tum
Jese hum na rahay

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Oh Holy shit..

One day Saad Khaleel calls me and tells me the Aunty Disco Project have an upcoming show and I should ask OBA if we can open for them. My immediate reaction is "we suck they rule this is not going to work nor happen". Regardless, I call OBA and he says, being the nice guy that he is, that he doesn't see any major issue and will get back to me tomorrow after he's gone over it with the others because the only consideration at the moment is that bands in the past have not really helped because they dampened the mood and were sort've boring which he hoped we wouldn't be. My immediate reaction to this is "okay he's not turning me down straight up because he doesn't want me to cry in a corner and then die of suck-caused shame". He calls me tomorrow and says we're good to go.

Oh shit.

Enter Shikari.
No. Wait.

Enter Farhad Khalid. Drummer dude from IBA(and LUMS, yeah double majors in drumtasticality, biatch!) who's wrapping up his internship at Engro Foods(Owsum!) and wants to jam. How conveniently timely. We say yes. We rope in guitar cheeta Ali Ahsan, student of the student of Faraz Anwer, who's only purpose with a guitar is to rip like there's no tomorrow and even if there is he's not going to play some cheap-ass John Mayer bends while he's Waiting on the World to Change(which isn't that cool since I'm a huge Mayer fan, but chalo).

And so it is settled. Saad, Ali, Farhad and yours truly. Flam! version 1.47(...beta). We're scheduled to open the show for the awesomely bombtastic A.D.P. at the Rangoonwala Hall on Sunday the 16th of August.

When I started to write this entry, I planned to talk about how nervous I was and how I hoped we'd do good and how I hoped we'd sell some tickets and not look like douches when I return the two booklets ADP's manager Aamir Rauf(really helpful guy) gave to me, untouched.

Now I'm not so sure. Now I'm thinking I should just focus on what the priority is, the gig. The actual show and the preparation leading upto it. Don't get me wrong, opening for ADP is serious business since they are at the top of their game with a new lineup and everything and have blastacular songs to boot. They are going to be overshadowing us from the get-go without even having played a single song. We have to go fucking nuclear and abosolutely kill every song and even then we might not benefit in any tangible way. But it is doable. Our songs might work. I'd be more sure about that were they not untested, like our rearranged lineup. But hope remains while we stick to our shit and unleash sonic Flam!alities on the unwitting audience.

That's what I'm placing my bets on. Come sunday, we kick ass and make sure that ADP don't even come close to the mere thought process required to begin to regret giving us the green light.

Clean shirt, new shoes
And I dont know where I am goin to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I dont need a reason why.
They come runnin just as fast as they can
Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

Monday, July 27, 2009

NFP meets Sean Kingston

Nadeem Farooq Peracha is this journalist/social commentator person who's articles are featured regularly in the Dawn newspapers. He often writes articles involving some sort of conversation, usually exaggerating truths and situations and nearly always seeming nut. Sean Kingston is this black american singer/rapper/something dude. I heard Sean's song and somehow this is what my mind came up with.

Somebody call 911
Shawty fire burning on the dance floor
I gotta cool her down
She won't bring the roof to ground on the dance floor
She’s fire burning, fire burning on the dance floor
That little shawty’s fire burning on the dance floor
Shes fire burning fire burning on the dance floor
That little shawty’s fire burning on the dance floor
Fire burning fire burning

911: Hello, please state your emergency.

Me: Um yeah, I've been requested to notify you of a potential safety hazard..?

911: Yes sir, please go on.

Me: Okay's one of two things.

911: Okay...

Me: Yeah see, theres either a midget covered in plasma(the hot liquid gas kind) on the dance floor causing things to spontaneously combust or theres somebody who's not very tall with an out of control arson fetish. Also on the dance floor.


Me: Hello..?

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

a day in the life of... Pakistan..

It is close to 9 am on Thursday the 18th of June that I start writing this. Power has just been restored to my locality after an outage of some 8.5 hours. Many areas in Karachi remain blacked out. Well, not so much since the night has passed and the sun is up but you know what I mean.

Usually I don't get up this early, I sleep at around 6 or 7 am and wake up sometime in the afternoon and on occasion, in the evening. Practicing to be a rockstar, you see. Since however, there was no power all night, there wasn't much for me to do while staying up hence I pseudo-slept the night away. I woke up at around 8am and started looking for things to do when I spied the newspaper lying at my door. Feeling this would be a good way to while away some time while I waited for the KESC, WAPDA and GOD..I mean, God, to concentrate their efforts in a way that power is returned, I thought I'd look throught it.

Depression ensued.

The following is a list of notable reports and excerpts as taken from the Dawn website.

Storm robs Karachi of electricity for hours:

All but entire Karachi plunged into darkness for several hours on Wednesday evening after a thunderstorm hit Pepco’s Jamshoro-Dadu and Jamshoro-Hub lines.

All generating units of the KESC, IPPs and KANUPP collapsed, disabling the city’s link with the national grid.

...According to KESC sources, the tripping in transmission lines at about 6.30pm robbed the system of about 600MW fed by Pepco’s network, crippling the entire generation, transmission and distribution network.

All units of Bin Qasim thermal power station, Korangi thermal power plants, Korangi gas turbines, independent power producers and the Karachi Nuclear Power Plant stuttered to a halt.

..The Bin Qasim plant generates over 1,000MW at a de-rated capacity while Wapda supplies about 700MW to KESC daily. The shortfall in KESC system was 1500MW late on Wednesday night.

The sudden power failure brought work at the Karachi Airport and major hospitals to a halt. Vehicular traffic faced gridlocks and congestions on major arteries of the city as traffic signals stopped working.

With maximum temperature at 35.9 degree centigrade and humidity at 62 per cent on Wednesday, people in various areas suffered at least two spells of loadshedding till evening.

Government announces phase-wise increase in power tarriff

ISLAMABAD: The government announced on Wednesday that till the end of the next fiscal year, electricity tariff would be increased in phases by at least 17 per cent as part of a condition in the IMF bailout package.

During a post-budget briefing to Senate’s standing committee on finance, Finance Secretary Salman Sadiq said: ‘We will take up the issue of allowing subsidy on electricity for lifeline consumers with officials of the International Monetary Fund in a meeting in Dubai on June 28.’

Governor State Bank Saleem Raza hinted that mark-up rates might be reduced in the wake of a reduction in inflation. The decision is likely to be announced in July along with the monetary policy.

However, he warned that low interest rates, ‘huge allocations for development projects and increase in wages’ might spur demand, leading to an increase in inflation. The annual inflation is expected to come down to 12.5 per cent by the end June 2009.

Govt, opposition spar on budget in NA

ISLAMABAD: The Opposition in the National Assembly on Wednesday blasted the government for making budget ‘overly dependent on foreign aid’, and lawmakers from treasury benches defended the government’s economic policies.

Abdul Qadir Patel from Karachi said: ‘If none of the critics can say that the next year’s budget is worse than the one for outgoing fiscal year, it means there is an improvement in government’s performance’.

He prompted desk thumping by his party colleagues when he denied allegations of corruption and said that he had never encountered anyone who was trying to ‘sell any ministry’.

Khurram Dastagir Khan of PML-N said: ‘If previous government was a failure in achieving self-reliance in economy, this government is worse.’

He said: ‘In a country where 123.4 million people live below poverty line on less than $2 a day, provision of Rs1,000 under the Benazir Income Support Programme to 50 million people will not work wonders.’

Mr Khan said heavy increases in prices of gas, electricity and petroleum products had hiked prices of all essential items and food inflation had reached 34.4 per cent.

He alleged that Wapda had used only Rs31 billion out of Rs62 billion earmarked for it in the current year’s PSDP, negating the government’s claims that it wanted to resolve power shortage. He also criticised the government of sparing the agriculture sector from direct taxation.

Police, power distribution depts most corrupt

KARACHI: The money Pakistanis spend on bribes has increased from Rs45 billion in 2002 to Rs195 billion in 2009, according to a survey carried out by the Transparency International Pakistan.

The survey report entitled ‘National Corruption Perception Survey 2009’ —indicates that police and power supply departments maintain their position as the two most corrupt sectors in the country.

The judiciary’s ranking has improved in the period under review. It ranked seventh in 2009, third in 2006 and fourth in 2002.

Customs and taxation departments have also improved their rankings since 2006. Work on the survey, involving responses from 5,200 people, began in February and ended in April of this year.

According to the report, people believed that health and land departments were also quite corrupt. Sixty-six per cent of the respondents said the existing local government system was more corrupt than the system it replaced.

About 60 per cent of the respondents said government functionaries and armed forces personnel should not be involved in commercial activities.

According to its findings, Defence Purchase Division, Military Engineering Services and Defence Housing Authorities were largest violators of rules under the Public Procurement Regulatory Authority Ordinance of 2002, which in itself was not performing its statutory obligations.

The Securities and Exchange Commission of Pakistan, the privatisation ministry and the State Bank refuse to be governed under PPRA Ordinance.

Petroleum products, CNG to become costlier

ISLAMABAD: Amid the rising trend on international markets, the local petroleum rates would be revised upward by over 10 per cent after the ‘carbon surcharge’ goes effective from July 1 after the budget 2009-10 is approved by the National Assembly. Compressed natural gas (CNG) would also become dearer.

Informed sources in the finance ministry told Dawn on Wednesday that the petroleum ministry had already calculated the new petrol price at around Rs62 per litre, high speed diesel at Rs60 per litre, HOBC at Rs78 per litre.

The prices of kerosene and light diesel oil (LDO) will also go up, sources in the petroleum ministry said, adding the CNG would be selling at Rs55 per kg.

Cell firms to withdraw SMS offers

LAHORE, June 17: After imposition of 20-paisa tax per SMS, the cellular companies are likely to withdraw their discount packages from July 1.

“It will not be possible for us to continue with the bundle package offers in the wake of fresh tax,” a representative of a cellular company told Dawn on Wednesday.

He said though the government in the federal budget 2009-10 had reduced the general sales tax and SIM activation charges from 21 per cent to 19 per cent and Rs500 to Rs250, respectively, 20-paisa increase on per SMS would not only burden subscribers but also affect the business of such companies that had introduced packages at cheaper rates.”

“At the end of the day it will be clear that the government has not provided us with any relief,” an official of another company said.

It is learnt that the cellular companies are joining hands against tax on SMS and will register their protest with the government shortly.

The Pakistan Telecommunication Authority has welcomed the concessions given to the telecom industry.

“We do not see any major impact of SMS tax on the industry. However, we will conduct a study in this regard after a certain period,” PTA chairman Dr Muhammad Yasin told this reporter.

“It will be premature to say that 20-paisa per SMS tax has negative impact on the industry,” he said.

Though the cellular companies are perturbed over the new tax but they can only register their concern with the respective quarters through PTA.

The cellular industry had generated a revenue of Rs278 billion in 2007-08.

The previous taxation rate on the cellular services (15 per cent) was already one of the highest in the region.

Owing to stiff competition among the cellular operators in the country, lower tariff had been introduced to attract maximum number of subscribers. Telecom sector, according to PTA, has attracted more than US$5.6 billion foreign direct investment during the last four years.

During 2007-08, the telecom sector attracted a sum of US$1.4 billion foreign direct investment which is about 30 per cent of the total FDI in the country. During 2007-08, the telecom industry ranked second after financial sector as major FDI recipient in Pakistan.

Swat residents are ‘short of everything’, warns ICRC

GENEVA: Civilians in the Swat valley are ‘short of everything,’ the International Committee of the Red Cross said Wednesday.

The ICRC, which claims to be the only international humanitarian agency currently operating in Swat and nearby Dir, said it was starting to distribute food for some 40,000 people in and around Swat’s main city, Mingora.

It cautioned that its ability to deliver food would depend on the security situation, AFP reports.

‘They are short of everything and will need help until the situation stabilises,’ he added in an information note.

Fighting has been continuing in Swat and Lower Dir districts, where Pakistani security forces launched an anti-Taliban offensive in late April.

About two million people have fled their homes and escaped to safer parts of Pakistan since the offensive began in the Northwest Frontier Province.


Pakistan zindabad.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Evolution of Dance.

A way to shirk blogging duties further. Who cares anyway?

Part 1

# Hound Dog - Elvis Presley Elvis Presley - Hound Dog - Hound Dog

# The Twist - Chubby Checker Chubby Checker - Chubby Checker Classics - The Twist

# Stayin' Alive - The Bee Gees The Bee Gees Tribute Band - Smooth Sax Tribute to the Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive

# Y.M.C.A. - The Village People Village People - Disco Gold - Y.M.C.A.

# Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas Carl Douglas - The Soul of the Kung Fu Fighter - Kung Fu Fighting

# Keep On - The Brady Bunch The Brady Bunch - Man With a Movie Camera - Keep On

# Greased Lightnin' - John Travolta John Travolta - Grease - Deluxe Edition - Greased Lightnin'

# You Shook Me All Night Long - AC/DC AC/DC Tribute Band - Hip-Hop Tribute to AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long

# Billie Jean - Michael Jackson Michael Jackson - The Essential Michael Jackson - Billie Jean

# Thriller - Michael Jackson Michael Jackson - The Essential Michael Jackson - Thriller

# Oompa Loompa - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Harry Connick, Jr. - Songs I Heard - Oompa Loompa (not the EOD version)

# Mr. Roboto - Styx Styx - Styx: Greatest Hits - Mr. Roboto

# Break Dance (Electric Boogie) - West Street Mob West Street Mob - The Sugar Hill Records Story - Break Dance (Electric Boogie)

# Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles The Bangles - The Essential Bangles - Walk Like an Egyptian

# The Chicken Dance - Bob Kames Bob Kames and The Happy Organ - The Chicken Dance (Dance Little Bird) - The Chicken Dance (Dance Little Bird) [Instrumental]

# Mony Mony - Billy Idol Billy Idol - Billy Idol: Greatest Hits - Mony Mony

# Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice Vanilla Ice - To the Extreme - Ice Ice Baby

# U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer M.C. Hammer - M.C. Hammer: Greatest Hits - U Can't Touch This

# Love Shack - The B-52's The B-52's - Nude on the Moon - The B-52's Anthology - Love Shack

# Apache - The Sugarhill Gang The Sugarhill Gang - The Essentials: The Sugarhill Gang - Apache

# Jump Around - House of Pain House Of Pain - The Best of House of Pain and Everlast: Shamrocks & Shenanigans - Jump Around

# Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-A-Lot Sir Mix-a-Lot - Mack Daddy - Baby Got Back

# Tubthumping - Chumbawamba Chumbawamba - Tubthumper - Tubthumping

# What Is Love - Haddaway Haddaway - Haddaway - What Is Love

# Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex Rednex - Malcolm In the Middle - Cotton Eye Joe

# Macarena - Los Del Rio Los Del Rio - Fiesta Macarena - Macarena

# Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync *NSYNC - *NSYNC: Greatest Hits - Bye Bye Bye

# Lose Yourself - Eminem Eminem - 8 Mile - Lose Yourself

# Hey Ya! - Outkast OutKast - Now That's What I Call Music!: #1's - Hey Ya!

# Dirt Off Your Shoulder - Jay-Z Jay-Z Tribute Band - Tribute to Jay-Z - Dirt Off Your Shoulder

# Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice ("Yo, let's get outta here. Word to your mother") Vanilla Ice - To the Extreme - Ice Ice Baby

# Bye Bye Bye - N'Sync ("Bye, bye, bye")

Part 2

0:00 Ryan Dalton - Introduction
0:10 James Brown - "I Got You (I Feel Good)"
0:31 The Temptations - "My Girl"
0:40 Ike and Tina Turner - "Proud Mary"
0:50 Van McCoy - "The Hustle"
0:55 The Hit Crew - "Hokey Pokey"
1:09 Otis Day and the Knights - "Shout" (originally by The Isley Brothers)
1:21 The Champs - "Tequila"
1:31 The Proclaimers - "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)"
1:39 Technotronic - "Pump Up The Jam"
1:57 Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy"
2:12 Marcia Griffiths - "Electric Boogie"
2:33 En Vogue - "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)"
2:43 69 Boyz - "Tootsee Roll"
2:57 DJ Slide - "Cha Cha Slide"
3:17 Terror Squad - "Lean Back" (featuring Fat Joe and Remy Martin)
3:24 OK GO - "Here It Goes Again"
3:33 Fergie - "London Bridge"
3:43 Soulja Boy Tell 'Em - "Crank That (Soulja Boy)"
4:00 Otis Day and the Knights - "Shout" (originally by The Isley Brothers)
4:02 Right Said Fred - "I'm Too Sexy"

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I was reading this Reader's Digest article that's in the May 2009 Asia edition about this German dude who's been biking the shit out of the world and doing God knows what like running and climbing mountains and everything so as to raise awareness and money for AIDS victims. I mean, he covered literally 23 THOUSAND kilometers in 35 days. I mean, holy shit. I get tired DRIVING 60 kilometers in one day and..damn.

Then there's this dude who's making this boat out of plastic coke bottles and some other weird plastic thing and planning to cross the PACIFIC OCEAN in it so as to raise awareness about pollution and global warming and the shit it's causing.

That really makes me think about what my contribution to the world will be. I mean, what difference will I be making in the world at large if, and that's a significant 'if', I accomplish the goals I've set and have been set for me and shit? Sure the boat guy inherited a huge fortune but the German was an overweight smoker drinker person who worked in a VW plant! There are other stories too about people helping others and trying to make the world a better place. It's all well and good to have success and a comfortable life for one's self and one's family and stuff but by the time I've grown up there will be around 7 BILLION people on the planet. Even on a smaller scale there'll be 200 million people on Pakistan or smaller yet, 30-35 million in Karachi! What will I have done or what can I do for them? If I end up a filthy rich CFO/CEO/whateverthehell by the time I'm 60..what will all that mean in the broader view of things?

Flam! updates:

We did a gig at IBA towards the end of last month. Saad and I, that is. Instrumental only. Played this blues jam and an interpretation of Explosions in the Sky's style of music. Was pretty fun. Also, we're sort've recording our songs at the moment. Where and how I'm not sure if I should say.

Owais is leaving on the 17th to join the army, Anes is also no longer with us. Saad will do vocals until and unless a suitable singer is found, we might need another guitarist as a result. Hope stuff works out for us. I plan to turn this shit into high gear as soon as my exams are over.

Don't give this hate a chance
We've got all this love to give, you know
That this dream's alive, we’ll still survive
Until no more people have to cry

PS: I've grown a deep affection for Jamiroquai's work. It's a really nice band.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

dear, dear me..

Listening to Explosions in the Sky makes any experience, no matter how ordinary, seem transcendent.

The Only Moment We Are Alone

Your Hand In Mine

I am absolutely in love with this band as of late.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The PPP attacks the Shanaakht Festival, destroys the exhibit at the Arts Council

This is taken from Omar Bilal Akhtar(OBA of ADP)'s blog:

The PPP attacks the Shanaakht Festival, destroys the exhibit at the Arts Council

We have just been informed that a few hours ago, around 7:3o pm Pakistan time, a large mob of PPP activists stormed the Arts Council which was hosting the Shanaakht Festival. The mob was protesting the display of a photograph in the art exhibit section that showed a photo-shopped image of an infant Benazir Bhutto sitting in the lap of General Zia-Ul-Haq.

The mob destroyed the entire exhibit and physically threatened the workers of The Citizens Archive and all the volunteers/workers for the Shanaakht Festival.

We were slated to perform on the final day of the festival along with Fuzon, Noori, Taal Karisma and The Kolachi Quartet. As of right now,all the events for all the days of the Shanaakht Festival, has been cancelled.

Now that I've given you the news, I can't begin to tell you depth of the anger me and my band members are feeling. The Shanaakht Festival is extremely close to our hearts as well as the people organizing it. We performed at the original one and we were looking forward to sharing the stage with our idols Noori and Fuzon. We are sitting in my living room, and I have been on the verge of tears on numerous occasions. Some of my closest friends were in The Arts Council when they were attacked by the mob. According to them, the more they pleaded with the mob to stop the more they destroyed.

There is no difference between the militants in the North and the Pakistan People's Party today. None. We have two groups of people who have spread a doctrine of hate, intolerance and violence. The people who were putting this show together have been working at it for the last 2 years. It was by the people of Pakistan for the people of Pakistan. The theme of the show was 'identity' and we were looking to establish, ro take back the Pakistani identity. I guess all we have to show for it now is an identity of violence and victimization.

If the show goes on Aunty Disco Project will perform. We stand right behind The Citizens Archive and Sharmeen Obaid.

I feel personally attacked. We cannot believe that the concern of our parents which we keep dismissing has been vindicated. They have attacked our show, and our people, our friends.

For those of you who are going to come and say that it was stupid to put that picture up in the first place, you may be justified in your thinking, but there is NO justification for the kind of violence that happened as a result.

Today they attacked ART. They attacked culture and humanity. But worst of all, they attacked and threatened innocent people who were trying to do something good for this country.

I have no more words, except my love and support to the people of The Citizens Archive.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

the state of the nation

Yeah. It's rant time.

The following is what I remember from today's newspaper:

Flogging in Swat:

A 17 year old girl gets publicly flogged in Swat, an area that used to be a tourist resort and is now taken over by Taliban and similar fundie fags. A situation the government has all but officially given up on. The Taliban deny they flogged the girl, admit they did flog somebody else.

Domestic quarrel leads to violence:

Some dudes in Karachi mutilate their aunt/stepmother/motherinlaw and leave her hospitalized and in very bad shape. I forget the argument but I think money was involved.

Bomb blast in Islamabad:

An alleged suicide attack takes place outside a popular Islamabad supermarket. I don't think anyone died.

Encroachment rampant in Nazimabad:

Nazimabad is an area in Karachi. Some peolpe have taken over a public park and in the space of a year (2004-2005) managed to construct a number of buildings on it. I counted around 30 in the "satellite" photo shown. The local government is aware of this yet no measures are being taken.

...and then there's this:

ZAB still deserves apology:

Some French journalist dude tells some people at some conference that Zulfikar Ali Bhutto deserves an apology for the shit deal he got at his time.

I mean, who gives a flying fuck about the apology?! Is there NOTHING more important in the country at this time?? Why is this country to brain dead? SO much shit is going on ALL the fucking time why doesnt anybody give a shit?? The government and the opposition spend months and months and millions of rupees on the so-called fight for the judiciary(which was actually just a result of Punjab not really being in the government per-se and them realising they had to pull some shit to get back into power, and NOT a nationwide uprising) and removal of governers rule and this and that WHEN THE HELL IS TERRORISM AND CRIME AND CORRUPTION AND ALL THIS OTHER CRAP IN THIS DISASTER OF A NATION GOING TO BECOME AN ISSUE WORTHY OF CONSIDERATION?!?!

We live in dark times, made darker still by the silent majority that refuses to move a muscle. We deserve all the insults we get for regardless of how many are untrue, there are more that are true and as yet unspoken.

jiya jale, jaan jale
naynon tale dhuaan jhale
raat bhar dhuaan jhale

Sunday, March 22, 2009

the great gig on the second floor, by pink flam.

Finally i get the time to pay attention to this here bloj. Time to blab!

The Second Floor gig:

So as I mentioned a few posts ago, we were invited by the great Omar Bilal to play at The Second Floor and help them raise money to help them move and stuff. Which we were pretty excited about. The set-list was as follows:

Blur - Song2
Backstreet Boys - Larger than Life (oh we so did)
HIM - Wicked Game
HIM - Killing Loneliness
Live - Lightening Crashes
U2 - Where the Streets Have No Name

Awaz - Jaadu ka Chiragh
Fringe Benefits - Tanhai Mein Chain
Junoon - Heeray

Tuu Haseen

We had a keyboard player brought in in the form of Sohaib Ali of IBA, holy shit is that guy nuts lol. He was supposed to play this wicked keyboard medley of Lateralus, Vicarious and the Stairway to Heaven solo thingy.

The only concern we had was we wouldn't really be able to get people to show up. We'd seen this happen on the 7on3rd show, which was part of the same series of events and also on the Spoonful gig. So it wasn't really a suprise that 125 people confirmed on facebook, 160 were maybes and only about 50 showed up. The number of attendees was pretty consistent with the figures the above bands gained but considering that we had more time to publicise and shit it was sortve depressing. I guess being a relatively unknown band worked against us. Though why would people confirm shit when they dont plan to come? Thats just lame.

A lot of friends didn't show up either for stupid last minute non-reasons such as 10 people waiting for one of them to take the initiative and declare they're going and only then would the others join in. Sheep. This lent further credence to the fact that we can't really depend on friends to keep supporting us forever if we are to be a band seriously.

The show went okay. Started really late though. It was supposed to go at 830pm, we accounted to people being tardy and thought 9 would be cool. The audience showed us up and arrived a further 30minutes late. This and the issues with the sound setup due to either our or their equipment and mutual understanding levels led us to cut around 3 songs from the setlist since we wanted to wrap up by 1030pm.

This also led us to a sort've shaky start since sound setup issues always acts like a needle busting into the balloon that is our confidence, but we managed to pickup the pace and by the time we were around 4 songs down we were playing hard and fast without a care in the world. A few screwups did go down and some were noticeable but most were covered up. All in all it was fun. Here are a few pictures from the show:

Other stuff:

Since the recent flurry of gigs and my newfound interest in the music scene revolving around The Second Floor, I thought we should take a few pointers from the people in Lahore and create our own version of "The System". Apart from being something with an unimaginative name, that is also the operation of sorts where musicians don't wait around for sponsors and stuff in these trying economic times and through a proper organization and fraternity of sorts make their own gigs. Which makes a lot of sense and though people do already make their own gigs happen, there is no structuring and hence a lot of randomness and inefficiency. Since nobody would listen to me I forwarded the idea to the OBA today and yeah so now this is me waiting to see it something works out.

By the way, a shout out to all to The Heebie Jeebies. An awesome awesome jam band made up partly of the people from Spoonful and a few other dudes. These guys are amazingly skilled and really cool musicwise too. Hope to see them around for a long time to come.

Monday will see us going to The Open Mic Night and playing without our singer, Anes. He's sick and has been so for a few days since he insists on taking stupid homoeopathic medicines. Hope stuff works out and we and the audience has fun. Seeing as how this is going to be it gig-wise for a while to come, we need to make a few good impressions so that in future people arent too unsure about helping us out if we need them to.

Oh it's heartache every moment
From the start 'til the end
It's heartache every moment
With you
Deeper into our heavenly suffering
Our fragile souls are falling
It's heartache every moment
Baby with you

Saturday, March 21, 2009

When two people like the same girl.

R.Kelly feat. Usher - Same girl

Flight of the Conchords - I'm in Love With a Sexy Lady

Flight of the Conchords are super hilarious lol. Usher and R.Kelly are lame.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

of devils and demon women..

Cliff Richard - Devil Woman

Flight of the Conchords - Demon Woman

Sunday, March 8, 2009

What I've been upto

I realized I haven't been blogging about a lot of stuff thats happened recently and trust me a lot has happened. It's mainly band related and a little bit of other stuff too. Till I get time to post about everything properly, I'll brush over the band stuff in the form of an update I sent to our fans on Facebook.

News thus far and new media incoming!

Today at 2:42am
Flam! has been having a really busy time this past couple of weeks! Shows on the 26th, 27th and 28th of February and also on the 8th of March! Below is a list of the places we went and brought the thunder!

26th Feb- Azaad Foundation/UNICEF International Children's Broadcasting Day acoustic gig at an Azaad Foundation school for under privileged children(made possible through our friends at Radio1 FM91)

27th Feb- Eventus Battle of Bands(we didn't but kicked ass nevertheless and made lots of new phans!)

28th Feb- IBA SpringFest! We opened for Call!(thank you Luqman Mubashir)

8th March - IBA Charity Carnival! Brought the house down, won lots of fans, played a brand new original that everybody loved and opened for Shehzad Roy all in the same night!(thank you Farhaad mon)


Flam! takes over The Second Floor(t2f) for a night on the 20th of March as part of their series of fundraising shows held throughout this month to help them through the tribulations of vacating their current premises and moving to their new location sometimes in mid-2009! All details can be found here:

You already know about this but what the heck we're still going to convince you. Expect firstly, a lot of songs. Among them we'll be doing originals, covers of yours and our favourite artistes as well as our special do-over versions of famous Pakistani singles from yesteryears! Don't miss out and drag your friends along kicking and screaming. They'll thank you later. Or kill you. Hopefully the former.


We'll be uploading pictures from all the above mentioned events that have gone through real soon so check out page when we start yelling about it.

So yeah. That's that.

I got my head checked
By a jumbo jet
It wasn't easy
But nothing is no

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Nobody pays? Play for charity!

After a spate of inactivity since the accursed Oktoberfest show, Flam! managed to score not one but TWO shows. Three actually but two have gone through, the third is tonight and what not so yeah. This is about them.

Radio1FM91 Azaad Foundation/UNICEF Children's Broadcasting Day

Since I know all of y'all have read and memorized the RJing post, I'd like to draw your collective attentions to the events happening in it. Specifically the stuff happening at the benign-sounding "4-ish" time spot. When I was reviewing my voice over stuff with Dennis the Sound Menace, a certain Anita(I don't know her last name, I know I suck) walked in. Anita I happened to recognise from the ADP Nando's show I yelled about here. She was introduced(to them not me, I was just eavesdropping, heehee) as somebody from FM91 and she would like a picture with ADP and I happened to be the person in the immediate vicinity who happened to take that picture.

So I started talking to her. It began rather aimlessly with me just trying to be friendly and ending up sounding weird since I told her that I recognised her from the ADP show and then I just stood there. Hehe she even said something like "Yeah that was". I was mentally kicking myself at this point and wondering why I started this. I made a lame joke about random useless information to escape the situation. Then she asked me where I was from. Here my brain went all patriotic and was urging me to say PAKISTAN. Somehow I knew that's not what she meant. She elaborated khudi se and asked if I was in a band or what and I said yeah I was but I was at the Nando's gig as a friend of ADP.

That's not a lie okay!! I know them, they recognize me BOOM we're friends!! Stop judging me.

Then she asked how much we charge and I said nothing because well, we don't. Not yet anyway. She got all interested suddenly, took my number and all even and told me about this little event coming up at this Azaad Foundation thing in relation with UNICEF and this and that. Stuff I promptly forgot. All I remembered was her telling me she'll be in touch.

She msged the next day and asked if we were free on the 25th and 26th. 25th we were 26th we weren't. Okay cool. Then it turned out that it was only on the 26th. Crap. Emergency measures were taken, Saad and Anes planned to bunk an IBA class, I planned to run away from home again, Owais we didn't tell as usual. We arranged for a soundsystem. Planned our songs. Everything was ready. Except we didn't know where we were supposed to go. Anita had told me vaguely but as always I'd forgotten that too. I looked up the Azaad Foundation people on the net and somehow got the number of the place we were to go to. The person on the phone there gave me an address too. Which I didn't understand. I am so inept.

The day of that day chalo, yeah so on that day it turns out that the sound person who was to be there at 10, had reached the vicinity by 10 but couldn't find the place. We gave him the number of the school itself and they didn't reach him for half an hour. We were supposed to be there by 11. We got lost too and got there by 1130. Why isn't there a Google Maps thingy for Karachi!? Sigh. Anyway, we found the place after we got to one of those blasted chowrangis and then sent someone to point us int he right direction. We got there only to find out that the sound people had also only just arrived. It would easily be another half hour till they got set up and all. Saad started to get tense, seeing as how he had to be at Anees Hussain by 1230 and it was already 1150.

I chatted randomly with Anita. She told me this was being done for the UNICEF International Children's Broadcasting Day transmissions and the Azaad Foundation helpd school underprivelaged children and all. Twas a nice idea and a nicer gesture. Heh, our first pseudo charity gig.

It eventually did start and the children were all very eager. I felt pretty bad for them. They were all regular kids and but for the want of money they had to live lives in tattered clothes and unclean environs. I wonder when, if ever, we'll get around to living in a country with universal healthcare and education. Sad really.

The kids weren't really familiar with our music at all. They knew Indian stuff, we didn't. We did end up playing Pehli Nazar by Aatif. Saad the performer was enjoying himself. The children sang along to the chorus as loud as they could. Somehow that merged into Dil Dil Pakistan. They sang along to that too. Turned out to be quite fun.

After that was a mad dash to drop Saad to Anees Hussain, one hour late for a whole new batch no less. Anes to IBA and Owais back home. That wasn't fun at all. Too much driving for one day entirely. We even missed our interview with FM91! Gosh darn it!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

the RJ journey begins!

I know all of you have been paying attention hence I won't go into the details of how I want to be an RJ so that I may have some relation to the media and the arts in my life which I expect will be very boring. I'll just bring you up to speed on the very latest developments then get on with the qissa at hand.

City FM89:

This is where I want to go. Properly want, that too. I started properly listening to 89 on the way back from study sessions with the bilal-man a couple of months ago. I understood the tone of the station and the humour and generally got what the people on air were talking about. I even developed strong favourites such as Munizeh who does Rush Hour, Monday to Thursday from 5pm-7pm. Or OmarBilalAkhtar(yes the target of my stalking is an RJ too) who does Manic Monday which comes on Mondays(shockingly) from 9-10pm. Or Wes Malik on GenerationX from 9-10pm on Tuesdays or Amir Naseer on Retro89 from 9-10pm on Fridays. As you can see the 9-10pm slot is what I'm familiar with. I developed much respect for Munizeh who was really good at just being an RJ even though her show has no super-fixed direction, or OBA who is genuinely funny or AmirNaseer who's knowledge of retro music impressed me to no end. This gave a proper direction to my RJing dreams that had existed for a year now and my FM89 aspirations which were around koi 5-6 months se. Sadly FM89, as it turned out, wasn't really checking entries to their online RJ-hunt and I didn't know OBA till then.

Then I finally did meet him and he told me what to do as chronicled towards the end of this post and the waiting began.

Radio1 FM91:

Towards the end of this same post, I mention how I talked to Yasir about FM91, where he is an RJ. Though that meeting didn't come through, coincidentally FM91 launched an official RJ Hunt promotion. I found out about it through a few friends, all of whom had heard it and told me since they knew I would be interested. Now 91 is an okay channel too, but it has much more urdu than 89, which nearly doesn't. Nothing wrong with that but the problem is my humour and knowledge and well everything I would do as an RJ does not translate into urdu shows and urdu listeners. Hence I wasn't as interested in 91. Though I did listen to it's shows quite regularly and on a scale of 1 to 10 of my personal choice where 89 would be 9, 91 I'd put at around 7.5.

So I called them up and signed up for the thing. They said they'd get back to me in a bit.

And they did.

The FM91 adventure

I was told to show up on Friday at 3pm by some Iqbal person. I planned to get there on time, not early so that I wouldn't look over-eager.

230: I was in the area. Crap. Must waste time.

250: Got back after wasting some time getting credit and random driving around. Called Iqbal(he'd given me his number). It was busy. Damn. Went all NSA on his ass and called the number he'd called me from. Yes it was different. Was picked up by Beenish Khan, an RJ, who was in the middle of a show. Why'd she pick up the phone then! I worry I might've ruined her show. She said she'd send somebody when I told her I was here for a 3pm interview and was outside.

310: Still waiting. It's so hot outside and it's February. Thought for a bit about global warming.

315: Some dude comes to me, asks me if I'm Ali, smirks when he sees im sitting on the sidewalk and tells me to go on in. I go in and am told to sit in the waiting area. The couches are covered in plastic, this is the first time I've seen that outside of a movie. Also, they are yellow. Yes that yellow.

320: Iqbal comes up. His lips are red. Lipstick red. No I dont usually notice dudes' lips. But his were...bright. The color of blood that has nearly congealed. A dark shade of red. My eyes began to play tricks on me. He didn't seem gay, his clothes, gait and mannerisms were normal. I began to see shades of foundation around his eye/forehead area. I thought he must be acting for some tv thingy and told myself to stop stereotyping. He tells me he'll be with me in a bit after he sorts out some technical repair thingys that are ongoing. Ali Murtuza makes fun of me and notes that the khuari clock has been going on for 20minutes.

330: Iqbal returns. The interview begins. Which is basically a discussion. Yes my urdu is clear, yes I am aware 91 is 60% english and 40% urdu so as to gain a wider audience compared to 89. No I have no prior experience. Yes I am in this for the work and not the money(like I thought there'd be a lot of that). The dude's okay.

345: I'm sent into a room where a guy with dirty, curly, long hair, a raggedy stubbly beard, a black tshirt and lots of bracelets and chains is introduced as Dennis, the sound dude. He looked a joint away from being the stereotypical stoner dude. Nice. I'm given a paper with minglish promos for TV1 shows and told to take my time, read them over and do them whenever I'm ready.

4-ish: Dennis is alright. This shit is tough. Pauses, emphases, gaps, enunciation. Damn. I do around 10 takes of this stupid 3 line thing. Not to mention the many repetitions of words, phrases and stuff in there.

415: I'm asked to pretend I'm on a show and do something they call "links". Turns out its just the parts where the RJ talks. Intro, middle and end. Two songs after each. I'd only prepared for a monologue that'd fit into the middle. Took a long while and thought up an intro and conclusion too. Beenish Khan came in in the meanwhile and argued with Dennis the Sound menace about something he had to do for a show of hers or something.

430: I do a couple takes of the show thing. Come out to check my work, Iqbal comes in. His lipstick is missing. I tell me to quit being stupid. He tells me I should slow down, redo it. I do.

440: I'm done. Iqbal is Maybelline again. I don't get it. Maybe it's an allergy.. or red light shining in from somewhere? No..why am I even thinking about this?! He tells me he'll get to me asap once he's heard the stuff and others have too. I realize 91 does not have a rock show. 89 and 96 do. Aha! Opportunity! I tell him I'm waiting on 89, what should I do in case they call me? He says I should wait a couple of days for him. I tell him I'll go to the audition and they'll take a few days too to decide so it shouldn't be a problem if he gets to me(before them, I don't add. Heck 91 is cool but if 89 agrees to my timings I leave everything behind). I leave.

So there it is. OBA said he'd find out what my 89 deal was in a bit and I'll pester him in a very passive manner till I am not told. Hope something works out. Though I've realised that if 89 doesn't come through, I'm cool with 91.

C'mon Kage now it's time to blow doors down
I hear you Jables now it's time to blow doors down
Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
We'll bend you over then we'll take you to Brown Tow
Now we've got to blow this fucker down
He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
C'mon Kage cause it's time to blow doors down
Oh we'll piledrive ya, it's time for the smackdown
Hey anti-christ-er, Beelzeboss,
we know your weakness our rocket-sauce
we rock the casbah, and blow your mind
we will defeat you, for all mankind

you hold the scepter,
we hold the key
you are the devil,
we are the D

PS: If anyone from 91 reads this, please dont judge me. I just realized that this could screw with my aspirations and shit. Yeah, and shit. Like what if they kill me?!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

just so all you shit-for-brains ignorant fools know;


Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under

Where is the love ¿

stuff that has made and still makes me high

1-a particular bent note in Charlie by the Chili Peppers
2-the solo at the end of Comfortably Numb
3-listening to the Pick of Destiny with my eyes closed
4-getting over the threshold when I run and feel that I can go on forever and run to the horizon
5-watching people move to the music I make at a gig
6-making B laugh
7-the outro of one of my band's songs
9-my car, sharae-faisal during the Jumma prayer time and 120kmph
10-loud music and air musicianship(take air guitar and apply to every instrument) all over my house when everybody's gone
11-Your Hand in Mine by Explosions in the Sky
12-that time of night when everyone is asleep, in and outside of your house
13-watching The Dark Knight in the theater and hearing the main theme play through 20 speakers and my heart
14-the first time I saw bullet time all those years ago in Nasr Cinema in dubai in The Matrix
15-Fear of the Dark

Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again.
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night.
But now I'm high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

the other blojz in the world

Why is everyone so depressed? I mean, it's like everyone else has a bloj just to be mopey. I don't get it. It's not like my life is all peaches and cream, or in my case guitars and Porsches., but if I have a bloj and im going to write about something I'd eternally prefer happyness over sorrow, gloom, depression and well, general emo-ness. Everyone just has SO many problems its just SO impossible to write about anything else. Such self-importance is something I can not bring myself to feel.

I'm so darn glad He let me try it again,
'Cause my last time on earth I lived a whole world of sin.
I'm so glad that I know more than I knew then.
Gonna keep on tryin' till I reach the highest ground.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The day after Friday the 13th of February 2009.

I feel like a bull, if they could see colours. I can't get the red out of my eyes.

I went to Park Towers, which is a mall in karachi. THERE WAS FRICKIN RED EVERYWHERE!!! And what the hell! Why do people wear red on Vday? WHY?? Are you a heart or something?? Even dudes! I saw three, no four guys with RED button down shirts! Why oh why.

Plus Valentine's day is so ugh. All super super sweet and sugary and lovey dovey and merchandised. It was all there was on the radio, on tv, on the street, on those God forsaken forward messages, EVERYWHERE. I listen to the radio a lot and I heard Truly, Madly, Deeply four times today! And that's just me! It must have been played some 73 times!*

While I am all for spreading love and good cheer, I think we should be a bit more coherent and think about people who need to be loved. I'm not talking about your family, friends and significant others. I mean other random people. Like the poor, like orphans, like whoever isn't shown in the media on the 14th of February because nobody wants to show stuff that takes the masses' minds of sheep-mentality consumerism.

It's days like this that the majority of people are revealed to be hollow and incapable of cognitive thought. We choose to forget so that we may indulge in stuff that might somehow be memorable. Whatever the criteria for that is.


We will probably probably be entering this battle of bands deal that is going to take place on the 27th. What we were initially trying for was this gig with another new-ish band where we'd keep it small and keep it real but the event management company, also a rookie deal, decided to go all out, scrapped the original plan and went for this big-ass deathmatch scenario. I hope we win. Or at least go further than round one lol. I've been in one other battle of bands and in that we didn't progress, surprisingly tight though we were. Anyway, hope for the best, expect the worst.

Oh, ACCA exam result comes on on Monday the 16th. Sigh. I don't think this week will be pretty. Again, hope for the best and expect the worst.

Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love I made is the shape of my space
My face my face

*dont ask me how I came up with that number. I do not know.

PS: if you read this bloj sortve regularly how about you 'follow' it? it could save your life you know..........

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

the Jim, bharamzzZz and hookers

I am out of shape. Not noticeably. Okay not very noticeably but yeah, look and shall see. Why you would I do not know. It is immaterial anyway. You are probably weird and will be one of the happier deaths to occur when Skynet takes over the world.

So anyway, I thought I should start running. Or jogging or whatever. I wasn't in the mood to go to a jim. I grabbed the ever-willing Aines McJaleelus and started a roughly 3km run, jog, walk and stagger, all in the same session at different points in time, routine. Everyday which then began every other day, from 7am to 8am.

I have since quit. The reason is not that I have achieved my goals, nor he his. I just got bored and dont have the necessary strength of will. To wakte up at 630am every day would mean I must sleep by a maximum of 12 midnight while I was used to staying up till 6am. So I quit. Aines will probably hate me for this.

Why didn't I join a jim? I dunno. Maybe because I didn't like the ones in the area, didn't have buddies to go with to the ones I did like in the area and also because I don't have the dough for the ones that are so amazing I could go alone. But there was a jim I used to go to a couple of years ago. This post is actually about that jim and it's instructor/administrator.

The jim in question was named Power Gym. It was across the road. I had two compadres with me, Abeer the Afridi(he is a pathan, his family used to live in Punjab and he supports the PPP which is a Sindhi political party at heart) and the Kenaan(he is not as interesting, which I think he is happy about).

We went quite regularly for a good 4 months. The instructor was a bigass Balochi dude named Fayyaz. This guy was BIG. Wait lemme see I think I have a picture of him..

Yeah so that's him. Lots of shadows in that picture but as you can see(and imagine) he was muscly, very.

So yeah he was our instructor and urged us all on intermittently. Regular jim dude duties. What was noteworthy was the stuff he did besides that. Which is the following:

Work 'n Curse:

When Fayyaz would work out he'd take off his shirt, revealing his musclyness and put on this tattered vest thingy, highlighting his musclyness further. I think he wanted to impress us. Which was quite unnecessary since the myriad of pictures in his office-cum-glass box area were sufficient to that end. Anyway, he'd start his routine with a few million stretches that covered in my opinion every possible muscle in his body. I mean, it just went on and on for a good 30mins. After that he started the real deal which ended up looking more like a vocal excercise than a ...well..other areas excercise. While doing the reps of whatever he'd scream at the top of his voice for all and sundry to witness the enthusiasm and effort the great Fayyaz was putting in. Stuff like "FUCK YOU!!", "MOTHERFUCKER!!!", "AARGH BASTARD!!", "FUCKER!!". This gave further credence to the idea that everyone learns the swearwords of a language first then the rest. It was also sufficiently jarring to us all that inevitably we ended up stopping everything and looking at him which I guess was the idea.


Now Fayyaz was a big, imposing dude. Yet he suffered from the usual big-body, small...err.. sense-of-manlihood complex that I have been told most such people suffer from. He would tell us these anecdotes exemplifying his amazingness as a god among men as often as he could.

One such incident involved him going to a Balochi wedding in Karachi. Upon his arrival he was lead to a table where there were a number of handguns and was asked to choose and fire at will. In the air ofcourse. The great Fayyaz, as you should know, obviously scoffs at such minisicule shows of power. He told the cretins that he was from the old country and in his village they had much bigger guns than these impotent excuses for firearms! Hah, I say! Hah!

And then he left. Which is what amazingly cool people like him do.

Play crappy music:


Ask if we knew any hookers:

Firstly, I don't. Really. I swear. Sadl..I mean thankfully. Shareef to the core and all. Moving on! At times when Fayyaz would talk to us about the world as-we-did-not-know-it, he'd invariably end up at sex. I do not know why. Also he'd invariably end up hinting he was looking for, needed, required some form of sexual release by which im guessing he meant hookers. The conversation would go something like this:

Fayyaz: Haan yaar bas boht mehnat karni parti hai itni body k liye, din raat lage rehna parta hai blahblahblah

Me/us: Hmm waqayi Fayyaz bhai, lagraha hai....(go back to working out)

Fayyaz: Aaj kal lekin koi time lagane ko tayyaar nahin hota. Larke aaj kal k boht kharab hogaye hain. Larkiyon k peechhe bhagtey phirte hain gundey gundey kaam k chakkar mein.

Me/us: ....

Fayyaz: Ye bhi koi umar hai khud batao aap? Aap khud likhe parhe ho*, aapko bhi pata hoga ye ghalat hai. Tum logon ko tu nuqsaan hai, ye tu mujh jese logon ko chahiye hota hai. Hamare liye tu zuroori hai. Itni body honay k liye lazmi hota hai k kahin garmi nikaalein.

Me/us: ji ji bilkul...acha Fayyaz bhai chalte hain hum!

*most random people explaining stuff to me say this, I do not know whether I should take it as a compliment or not

I ended up leaving that jim, not for the above mentioned reasons, I was generally busy with exams and then too lazy to go back. Further exploits in local jims I find prohibitive though and that is because of the above mentioned stuff.

given a chance
i wanna be somebody
if for one dance
i wanna be somebody
open the door
it's gonna make you love me
facing the door
i wanna be somebody

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Why there's a version 2.0

Yes I know what everybody's been talking about. WHY is there a new bloj out? What when the last one was so perfectly amazing. I know I know. This is why.

I killed the last one.

By mistake.

See I originally made a blogger account with a hotmail email address. Then blogger tells me that I need to use a google account but oh I shouldn't worry theyve made a google address with my hotmail address. Whaa?

So anyway, what began to happen was that this started messing around with my orkut activisim. I'm not sure that's the right word. Anyway, when I signed into blogger or into orkut, the other wouldn't work because it needed the other address. I got sick of the signing in and out over and over.

So I killed it.

Yes yes by mistake.

I thought the solution would be simple. Shift the blog to the google address. There's this way of exporting blogs which is how a friend moved hers to wordpress. I'd do that and I'd be home free. So I exported the blog to my PC, then onto the new account I'd made with the google address. But I wanted the same name which I couldn't use because the past version still existed. So I check and double checked and then deleted the original. Turns out I still couldn't use the originals name.

Hence it was dead.

By mistake! Because what I should've done was coauthor the blog with the new address and just not sign in with the old one. Alas this did not strike me before. Hence we are here.

A door left open
A woman walking by
A drop in the water
A look in the eye
A phone on the table
A man on your side
Oh, someone that you think that you can trust
Is just
Another way to die

Friday, January 30, 2009

the most excited blogpost ever!

By jingo! Last night was eventful indeed. I shall start from the beginning....

Okay enough of that.


Our drummer, Owais, will be leaving in June..or maybe July. He is joining the army. Yes that is the best he could come up with. This and a particularly impressive jam with him while working on our originals led us to properly consider recording our work. Finally Saad Khaleel emailed OBA(OmarBilalAkhter) of ADP(AuntyDiscoProject) and asked him for ADVICE(advice). Being the uber-nice dude he is he apparently replied and said that this should be done on the phone and we can call him anytime and stuff. I say allegedly because well, this what Saad told me and I trust no one -_- ...

This was around the same time OBA-san wrote this post on his own blog....coincidence?...I dunno maybe..

We find out...

Then we found out that there was going to be an ADP gig at the Clifton Nandos on the 29th, a free gig. GASP! Free? ADP? Me? This has never been a good combination! For the very very few of you who are not regulars here, I would like you to recall this post!

No matter, this was Nandos(should there be an apostraphe in there?). There would be no "families only" bullshit here. We'd go and watch the show, maybe even talk to OBA and all afterwards. Though Saad had injected his usual weak spineness at this juncture by saying stuff like "dude he'll just have gotten off stage we can't go up and bug him about this stuff".To which I'd usually say something like "dude I hate you I hate you" and run off crying while I flung myself onto my hugeass four poster bed with silk sheets and red pillowcases.

The day arrives

I'd discovered the day before that this was the launch of something of the other at Nandos and not just a free concert. Which made me turn into the bitchy don't-be-late person I become since I reasoned that it would start on time. So yeah, we went. Two cars; mine with Saad, me and Owais and Anes' with him and Kanwal(his fiance, oooooooooh). We got there on time, which was to be 7pm and since we were there by 642pm it was pretty cool. I didnt even drive fast. Anes had yet to arrive. We were walking in and I was all happy and relieved that there appeared to be no major obstructions to our getting in. The guy at the door asked us how many people were in our group and I told him, even remembering to make him write down Anes' name so that our buddy buds could get in hassle-free.

Deja vu

We got in and sat down on the lower level. We could hear a lot of noise coming down from the floor above us where the whole shebang was going down. At the door we'd seen a few tv people coming in and they all had gone upstairs. Logically we concluded that this wasn't where we were supposed to be. We asked the waiter when the concert was to begin and if we should go up now or later. He asked us if we had invites to which we suavely replied ""*slight pause* "sir could you please step out with me". Oh crap. This was the long friday all over again! Nobody had said anything about invites! Nobody! Or had they?? Saad must've forgotten! God, I hate him! I'm going to kill him when this is done!

The guy at the door said we were supposed to get invites, we told him we were invited by email and he should ask Omar Bilal Akhtar. He was like "Bilal Akhter who?". We elaborated that he was in the band who were to play and such and such so he sent a waiter dude to call mister saleem or whoever since he didn't know enough. So we waited. Then God sent us OK(Omar Khalid) and Yasir Qureshi. ADP's drummer and darbouka man respectively. We breathed a sigh of relieft, we could get in now since they knew us we knew them blah blah. OK came over and started talking to Saad, Yasir went up to the door and was stopped by the guy so he told him he was with the band. "What band?" I heard, horror struck. Holy shit if THEY cant get in what hope do we have?? By then Saleem or whoever had showed up though and we got in along with OK and Yasir. Anes still hadn't shown up so we reminded the gate demon about him.

We're in!

We went up. There was a ginormous crowd and this lady going on and on about the Cataplana. Turns out they were introducing a new menu item. This well known chef dude from MasalaTV showed up and explained to everyone that it was a South African Portugalese dish which had rice, chicken and some vegetables in it. With a description that detailed I could taste it already. The hostess person also said that everytime anyone ordered it, the waiters would open the container in which it was served with a tada! I immediately made a mental note to NEVER order the catawhatsit.
While we were milling around aimlessly waiting for stuff to happen Anes and Kanwal showed up. Anes, as per usual, had to go the the bathroom. This only happens when we're out. I do not know why. Kanwal was stuck with us so Saad and her promptly got into a we-are-in-IBA conversation. Someone asked us why we were standing and if we needed a table. I told him we were with band and surprisingly we were made space for. How quickly times change. Then this witer lady told us to go down so that we could be served, yes there was free food! The excitement! Free music AND free food?? All was right in the world. Anes still hadn't shown up by the way. We went down, got to a table and waited.

Suddenly we heard the sound of a bass guitar and panic struck! They were going to start and we were stuck here! Nooo! No wait! Anes is up there! He doesn't know we're downstairs! He'll be himself and get lost! We'll go up and find him! And stay there and watch the show! At this point Anes showed up. Sigh. It looked like we'd have to eat.

The phood

We got a couple of caterpillars or whatever which the server opened with a very wilted "tada?". I was being my usual asinine self and trying to be funny. Then we got free chicken and free fries and free lemonade. So I shutup and tucked in. Since there was a lady present we all had to be polite and eat like civilised people and not cavemen. Sigh, what testing times we live in. But anyway, we kept at it and were done quickly enough. Then we moved upstairs with alacrity. Yeah baby, today is SAT english vocabulary usage day.

Upstairs ADP were all on stage and going through the final stages of their soundcheck. OBA came off and shook hands with me and graciously said a few words to the effect of "hey dude" to which I replied with great wit "uh...". What! He's a celebrity okay?! I was subdued into silence. Anyway he talked to Saad and Anes, asked them about the sound and all they told him the guitars weren't loud enough and so yeah that was that and then they started! Woohoo!

The show!

ADP as always, I have found amazing. They just have SO much energy. This show was no different. OBA was jumping around for all that he was worth. Ali Alam was very energetic too. OK had brought his shiny sparkly new drumkit. I was jumping and all too, singing along to every song and I more or less new the words to EVERY song. Needless to say I was very pleased with myself. They did around 10 songs i think. All their famous originals like Sultanat, Sheher ke Aansoo, Nazar, Likhta Nahin Mein etc. Ali Alam did three of his own songs which I also knew though I can't remember their titles(sorry Ali!). They did Prince's Kiss, Womanizer by britney(that was fun lol), Teenage Wasteland by The Who which was very cool of them. They were so loud and crazy that lightshades started dropping out of the ceiling! That was pretty awesome. My excitement was beginning to affect people around me like the camera man whos ear I was yelling the lyrics into and who asked me try and not shake him so much.

The awesomeness!

And just like that we were done. The show ended. People started to leave. Anes had already left since he had to drop Kanwal back home. We milled around for a bit so that we could meet the guys and stuff. I was excited by this prospect since it meant we could talk to them and also ask them about recording and general advice and what not. Though when Saad said that OBA was tired and we shouldnt bug him I was pissed enough at that to leave immediately. But he did end up going to OK and talking to him about stuff. Yasir at this point hailed me with a "hey starman" I was like whaaaaaat! He knows my secret identity! How?! He's read my bloj! Yes! This bloj! Amazingness! I asked him haltingly(didnt want to seem like a opportunistic douche) about RJing at fm91 and he said he'd introduce me to the guys then and there since they happened to have come too! All my dreams are coming true! Then Saad motioned me to come and join him as we joined OBA who was half lying on this bench, so tired he was. Ali Alam was packing up and I thought I should offer to help but alas shyness took over and I kept quiet and sat myself down next to OBA, who said "hey star dude"...WHAT!! He's read this bloj too! I should start charging you people! Ali Alam asked me for a rubber band! He recognised me by my hat from the forum show!! I was overjoyed.

Anyway we talked at length about recording, general direction we should be headed in and stuff and a few other things too. For one we are now in the running to be ADPs opening band. We were planning to ask them about this for a while now and as it turns out they were looking for somebody too and so....YAY!!! Plus I asked OBA about RJing at fm89 and he gave me some pointers on that too! Double yay!

I didn't get a chance to talk to Yasir since we left after that and the band was eating and what not and I didnt want to intrude. But nevertheless. I left a happy, happy man. Man..not am getting old. Sigh. 22 next month. But no. Nothing can bring me down for now. ADPs gone to Lahore for a couple of shows. Hope they go awesomely awesomatic. We jammed today, started to work on our stuff with renewed purpose. Now we know what the immediate future may hold. Quite a few days of general down-ness have been forgotten. Washed away by the hope that the dream might just work and that one day; Saad, Anes and I will be like ADP, will be famous, will be making music.

Will be rockstars.

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home