the ADP analysis.

Just a little statement before the main course, I'm going to try and post a bit more and keep the posts short. Easier for me, for you, for the world.

DISCLAIMER: This is just going to be one long episode of uthaoo-giri. If you don't what that means you need to chill in Gulshan or with Gulshan-ites a bit more. If you don't know what/where I'm talking about, you need to die in Karachi or never come.



ADP is without a doubt my favourite underground Pakistani band. To the extent that they occupy all the positions on my top5. No one else even comes close.

Analysis has revealed, at least to me, that their secret is in their absolute tightness. The band is one being. Let's start with OmarBilalAkhtar.

OBA is basically a kickass vocalist who really knows what he sounds good at, what he likes to sing, and what's in between. Which, as the Venn diagram below illustrates(people on Facebook, you need to head over to the blog to see this); is what matters. Or so Simon Cowell says.

He isn't a guitar virtuoso, which is a common requirement for many a Pakistani maila listening to MATULL. I do not think he can shred. I do not think he wants to. Which is absolutely fine. But then there are going to be idiots who say "MAGAR YAAR MIXOLYDIAN RUN DAAL DETA TU MAZA AJATA". Look up "chullu bhar paani" you shitbrained pansy.

Also he's funny. Gets the girlies laughing. The dudes too. With none of the "Oh you think he's funny?? Well, fuck him!" nonsense that usual recipients of female fandom get. Frontmen should be entertaining. Keep the people interested. It's either that or he grows his hair long, straightens it, and shows up in a leather banyaan. I don't think that will help but that's all I've got.

Plus he has a Line6 Pod X3 which is absolutely mindBLASTING.

OK is solid as shit. Which is a vague simile at best but that's just the way it is. He will drop a stick at EVERY show but Holy crap on a snare I have never seen anyone play as hard as he does. His face will be like Steven Seagal, expressionless, but you know he will kick your butt. His damn face wobbles with every bang(heehee) and the drums look like they're going to collapse and cause a hydrogen bomb to go off too while they're at it. No fancy tricks, no showboating. Just a nuke on your balding head. That's the OK style.

I am Photoshop illiterate. So sue me.

Every band should have a signature of sorts. With the Red Hot Chili Peppers it's Flea and his crazyness, with GnR it was Slash, with Nirvana it was some punk ass druggie moaner identifying with people who'd be emo except the term wasn't popular then. You get the point. At the start, with ADP, it was Yasir Qureishi and his darbuka. The middle-eastern madness he stirred up in songs like Sultanat or ADPs cover of Rock the Casbah made the experience absolutely insane for first time listeners/viewers. He's expanded his arsenal to include other percussive instruments as well, like a tambourine, egg-rattles(or whatever they're called) etc. The darbuka is to ADP what, say the violin is to the Dave Mathhews Band. You take it away, the song still stands, but with it; it's golden.

Ali Alam is one of our very own singer/songwriter people who's been blackmailed/coerced/fooled into joining ADP(if oba's blog is anything to go by). As a result ADP has acquired a real asset. Ali plays guitar, hence he can provide the rhythms that were missing whenever OBA soloed and hence fills up the sound very nicely. He also has his own songs which I'm a big fan of too. As much as the ADP original originals actually. Hum Na Rahey(Mere Masoom Dost) is amazing. There is no other word for it. Plus his vocal talents help in the backing vocals department too when OBA does his songs and again, fuller sound, greater impact. So much so that now ADP shows involve an audience being hit by a wall of sound in nearly each song. Ali Alam's songwriting skills are also spot on and his coming into the fold as it were, will help ADP in churning out good songs with more ease as compared to a situation where only one person has to do all the writing.

Finally, Rahayl Sidikey. He does bass. And backing vocals. And he does them well.

Originally coming into the spotlight as the only member of Mizraab who looked like a metalhead and not a nerd, Rahayl was asked to join ADP after he played a gig with OBA as part of The Big Cheese and was set to play at the Shanaakht festival with ADP. The fellas liked his chops and 2+2=5, he's in. This guy is badass. I mean he just looks it.

Plus since ADP now has a dedicated bass player, their live act is tighter and sounds bigger than before. Add that to the larger number of people shouting their lungs out in big choruses(THREE!!), the wall of sound thing applies more than ever. Being a bass player myself, I think Rahayl's addition was a real coup for the others since he's really solid and now everyone has a chance to just do their own thing without worrying about any other member since everyone has a dedicated job and they're balls up awesome at it.



And thus we reach the end. This originally started out as a port about when Flam! opened for ADP but it sortve veered off in the start and I thought I'd let it go where it wanted to. No apologies for the cheap pictures. I shall use the "I'm too punk rock for.." Photoshop, excuse. Works everytime.

Mere masoom dost
Tum kyun gum sum rahey
Jese main, jese tum
Jese hum na rahay

Iss khamoshi se
Tum kyun lartey rahey
Jese main, jese tum
Jese hum na rahay

Oh Holy shit..

One day Saad Khaleel calls me and tells me the Aunty Disco Project have an upcoming show and I should ask OBA if we can open for them. My immediate reaction is "we suck they rule this is not going to work nor happen". Regardless, I call OBA and he says, being the nice guy that he is, that he doesn't see any major issue and will get back to me tomorrow after he's gone over it with the others because the only consideration at the moment is that bands in the past have not really helped because they dampened the mood and were sort've boring which he hoped we wouldn't be. My immediate reaction to this is "okay he's not turning me down straight up because he doesn't want me to cry in a corner and then die of suck-caused shame". He calls me tomorrow and says we're good to go.

Oh shit.

Enter Shikari.
No. Wait.

Enter Farhad Khalid. Drummer dude from IBA(and LUMS, yeah double majors in drumtasticality, biatch!) who's wrapping up his internship at Engro Foods(Owsum!) and wants to jam. How conveniently timely. We say yes. We rope in guitar cheeta Ali Ahsan, student of the student of Faraz Anwer, who's only purpose with a guitar is to rip like there's no tomorrow and even if there is he's not going to play some cheap-ass John Mayer bends while he's Waiting on the World to Change(which isn't that cool since I'm a huge Mayer fan, but chalo).

And so it is settled. Saad, Ali, Farhad and yours truly. Flam! version 1.47(...beta). We're scheduled to open the show for the awesomely bombtastic A.D.P. at the Rangoonwala Hall on Sunday the 16th of August.

When I started to write this entry, I planned to talk about how nervous I was and how I hoped we'd do good and how I hoped we'd sell some tickets and not look like douches when I return the two booklets ADP's manager Aamir Rauf(really helpful guy) gave to me, untouched.

Now I'm not so sure. Now I'm thinking I should just focus on what the priority is, the gig. The actual show and the preparation leading upto it. Don't get me wrong, opening for ADP is serious business since they are at the top of their game with a new lineup and everything and have blastacular songs to boot. They are going to be overshadowing us from the get-go without even having played a single song. We have to go fucking nuclear and abosolutely kill every song and even then we might not benefit in any tangible way. But it is doable. Our songs might work. I'd be more sure about that were they not untested, like our rearranged lineup. But hope remains while we stick to our shit and unleash sonic Flam!alities on the unwitting audience.

That's what I'm placing my bets on. Come sunday, we kick ass and make sure that ADP don't even come close to the mere thought process required to begin to regret giving us the green light.

Clean shirt, new shoes
And I dont know where I am goin to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I dont need a reason why.
They come runnin just as fast as they can
Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

the most excited blogpost ever!

By jingo! Last night was eventful indeed. I shall start from the beginning....
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Okay enough of that.

Introduction

Our drummer, Owais, will be leaving in June..or maybe July. He is joining the army. Yes that is the best he could come up with. This and a particularly impressive jam with him while working on our originals led us to properly consider recording our work. Finally Saad Khaleel emailed OBA(OmarBilalAkhter) of ADP(AuntyDiscoProject) and asked him for ADVICE(advice). Being the uber-nice dude he is he apparently replied and said that this should be done on the phone and we can call him anytime and stuff. I say allegedly because well, this what Saad told me and I trust no one -_- ...

This was around the same time OBA-san wrote this post on his own blog....coincidence?...I dunno maybe..

We find out...

Then we found out that there was going to be an ADP gig at the Clifton Nandos on the 29th, a free gig. GASP! Free? ADP? Me? This has never been a good combination! For the very very few of you who are not regulars here, I would like you to recall this post!

No matter, this was Nandos(should there be an apostraphe in there?). There would be no "families only" bullshit here. We'd go and watch the show, maybe even talk to OBA and all afterwards. Though Saad had injected his usual weak spineness at this juncture by saying stuff like "dude he'll just have gotten off stage we can't go up and bug him about this stuff".To which I'd usually say something like "dude I hate you I hate you" and run off crying while I flung myself onto my hugeass four poster bed with silk sheets and red pillowcases.
.........


The day arrives

I'd discovered the day before that this was the launch of something of the other at Nandos and not just a free concert. Which made me turn into the bitchy don't-be-late person I become since I reasoned that it would start on time. So yeah, we went. Two cars; mine with Saad, me and Owais and Anes' with him and Kanwal(his fiance, oooooooooh). We got there on time, which was to be 7pm and since we were there by 642pm it was pretty cool. I didnt even drive fast. Anes had yet to arrive. We were walking in and I was all happy and relieved that there appeared to be no major obstructions to our getting in. The guy at the door asked us how many people were in our group and I told him, even remembering to make him write down Anes' name so that our buddy buds could get in hassle-free.

Deja vu

We got in and sat down on the lower level. We could hear a lot of noise coming down from the floor above us where the whole shebang was going down. At the door we'd seen a few tv people coming in and they all had gone upstairs. Logically we concluded that this wasn't where we were supposed to be. We asked the waiter when the concert was to begin and if we should go up now or later. He asked us if we had invites to which we suavely replied "uhh.....no?"*slight pause* "sir could you please step out with me". Oh crap. This was the long friday all over again! Nobody had said anything about invites! Nobody! Or had they?? Saad must've forgotten! God, I hate him! I'm going to kill him when this is done!

The guy at the door said we were supposed to get invites, we told him we were invited by email and he should ask Omar Bilal Akhtar. He was like "Bilal Akhter who?". We elaborated that he was in the band who were to play and such and such so he sent a waiter dude to call mister saleem or whoever since he didn't know enough. So we waited. Then God sent us OK(Omar Khalid) and Yasir Qureshi. ADP's drummer and darbouka man respectively. We breathed a sigh of relieft, we could get in now since they knew us we knew them blah blah. OK came over and started talking to Saad, Yasir went up to the door and was stopped by the guy so he told him he was with the band. "What band?" I heard, horror struck. Holy shit if THEY cant get in what hope do we have?? By then Saleem or whoever had showed up though and we got in along with OK and Yasir. Anes still hadn't shown up so we reminded the gate demon about him.

We're in!

We went up. There was a ginormous crowd and this lady going on and on about the Cataplana. Turns out they were introducing a new menu item. This well known chef dude from MasalaTV showed up and explained to everyone that it was a South African Portugalese dish which had rice, chicken and some vegetables in it. With a description that detailed I could taste it already. The hostess person also said that everytime anyone ordered it, the waiters would open the container in which it was served with a tada! I immediately made a mental note to NEVER order the catawhatsit.
While we were milling around aimlessly waiting for stuff to happen Anes and Kanwal showed up. Anes, as per usual, had to go the the bathroom. This only happens when we're out. I do not know why. Kanwal was stuck with us so Saad and her promptly got into a we-are-in-IBA conversation. Someone asked us why we were standing and if we needed a table. I told him we were with band and surprisingly we were made space for. How quickly times change. Then this witer lady told us to go down so that we could be served, yes there was free food! The excitement! Free music AND free food?? All was right in the world. Anes still hadn't shown up by the way. We went down, got to a table and waited.

Suddenly we heard the sound of a bass guitar and panic struck! They were going to start and we were stuck here! Nooo! No wait! Anes is up there! He doesn't know we're downstairs! He'll be himself and get lost! We'll go up and find him! And stay there and watch the show! At this point Anes showed up. Sigh. It looked like we'd have to eat.

The phood

We got a couple of caterpillars or whatever which the server opened with a very wilted "tada?". I was being my usual asinine self and trying to be funny. Then we got free chicken and free fries and free lemonade. So I shutup and tucked in. Since there was a lady present we all had to be polite and eat like civilised people and not cavemen. Sigh, what testing times we live in. But anyway, we kept at it and were done quickly enough. Then we moved upstairs with alacrity. Yeah baby, today is SAT english vocabulary usage day.

Upstairs ADP were all on stage and going through the final stages of their soundcheck. OBA came off and shook hands with me and graciously said a few words to the effect of "hey dude" to which I replied with great wit "uh...". What! He's a celebrity okay?! I was subdued into silence. Anyway he talked to Saad and Anes, asked them about the sound and all they told him the guitars weren't loud enough and so yeah that was that and then they started! Woohoo!

The show!

ADP as always, I have found amazing. They just have SO much energy. This show was no different. OBA was jumping around for all that he was worth. Ali Alam was very energetic too. OK had brought his shiny sparkly new drumkit. I was jumping and all too, singing along to every song and I more or less new the words to EVERY song. Needless to say I was very pleased with myself. They did around 10 songs i think. All their famous originals like Sultanat, Sheher ke Aansoo, Nazar, Likhta Nahin Mein etc. Ali Alam did three of his own songs which I also knew though I can't remember their titles(sorry Ali!). They did Prince's Kiss, Womanizer by britney(that was fun lol), Teenage Wasteland by The Who which was very cool of them. They were so loud and crazy that lightshades started dropping out of the ceiling! That was pretty awesome. My excitement was beginning to affect people around me like the camera man whos ear I was yelling the lyrics into and who asked me try and not shake him so much.

The awesomeness!

And just like that we were done. The show ended. People started to leave. Anes had already left since he had to drop Kanwal back home. We milled around for a bit so that we could meet the guys and stuff. I was excited by this prospect since it meant we could talk to them and also ask them about recording and general advice and what not. Though when Saad said that OBA was tired and we shouldnt bug him I was pissed enough at that to leave immediately. But he did end up going to OK and talking to him about stuff. Yasir at this point hailed me with a "hey starman" I was like whaaaaaat! He knows my secret identity! How?! He's read my bloj! Yes! This bloj! Amazingness! I asked him haltingly(didnt want to seem like a opportunistic douche) about RJing at fm91 and he said he'd introduce me to the guys then and there since they happened to have come too! All my dreams are coming true! Then Saad motioned me to come and join him as we joined OBA who was half lying on this bench, so tired he was. Ali Alam was packing up and I thought I should offer to help but alas shyness took over and I kept quiet and sat myself down next to OBA, who said "hey star dude"...WHAT!! He's read this bloj too! I should start charging you people! Ali Alam asked me for a rubber band! He recognised me by my hat from the forum show!! I was overjoyed.

Anyway we talked at length about recording, general direction we should be headed in and stuff and a few other things too. For one we are now in the running to be ADPs opening band. We were planning to ask them about this for a while now and as it turns out they were looking for somebody too and so....YAY!!! Plus I asked OBA about RJing at fm89 and he gave me some pointers on that too! Double yay!


I didn't get a chance to talk to Yasir since we left after that and the band was eating and what not and I didnt want to intrude. But nevertheless. I left a happy, happy man. Man..not boy...wow...I am getting old. Sigh. 22 next month. But no. Nothing can bring me down for now. ADPs gone to Lahore for a couple of shows. Hope they go awesomely awesomatic. We jammed today, started to work on our stuff with renewed purpose. Now we know what the immediate future may hold. Quite a few days of general down-ness have been forgotten. Washed away by the hope that the dream might just work and that one day; Saad, Anes and I will be like ADP, will be famous, will be making music.

Will be rockstars.

Take me down to the paradise city
Where the grass is green
And the girls are pretty
Oh, won't you please take me home

the long friday, a starman graphic novel.

Post. Hmm. I wonder if blog entries may be qualified as posts. Further research needed. Anyway, it seems I have found time to post another entry. Once again I am wondering why I bother. It's not like anyone is going to read it. "not yet" is all I have as consolation.

I have been away, my imaginary followers, for I am busy. Busy with studies! Yes I, rockstar-to-be extraodinaire, also study. Tis the bane of this youth of mine. Speaking of which, I've noticed I feel rather old compared to the young and happy folk I happen to see all too much nowadays. Ah..I feel a rant building up.

ADP, Z&H and Ego.

Friday the...umm...ah 28th. Aunty Disco Project and Zeb and Haniya are scheduled to perform at The Forum( a mall in Karachi for my international followers). I hear about it on the radio. CityFM89 to be precise. Guess what? It's free!! HOLY SHIT FREE!!! Petrol cost 27 bucks a litre when I arrived in this country. It's been upto 84 recently. A medium sized loaf of sliced bread was for 12. Now I think it's 30. Imagine what a step forward, or well maybe backward, a free concert is!

ADP is one of my favourite favourite current Pakistani bands. I'll post a video or two of theirs in this post chalo. Anyway, these guys are insane. Plus they're regular dudes. No bullshit. all about the music. They have regular jobs too! Which makes them all the more appealing to me since they represent the possibility factor of my rockstar aspirations. Though I would readily give up a regular job for a life as a hugeass rockstar but at the very least I'd like to be a moderately huge rockstar if I have to have a dayjob too. Anyway! So um...yeah! They put on a kickass show too! Lots and lots of energy, jumping around and what not, OBA is really good as frontman and Yasir adding that special flavour with his darbuka chops and holyshit OK is like our David Grohl(very very high praise if you are an ignoramus)!!

Zeb and Haniya are also pretty respected in my bands-I-am-a-fan-of list but since I have yet to give their album a proper listen, I was mainly concerned with ADP.

All in all I was pretty psyched about going, and despite the fact that I had exams looming over me head, due in less than 5 days after the concert; I planned to go. I mean come on! Plus since it was on a Friday, there was no risk of The Forums "family day" bullshit which, like is common in our hypocritical nation, mean you cant get in unless you have a "female" with you. "femail" in some places. Or a toddler. Do not think you and your 3 "mail" cousins may enter. Oh no no no, you are not the kind of family that counts. Apparently it has something to do with rowdyism, lecherism, ogling hotties(yeah that's sexist whatever, screw you!) and generally being douches(don't see you resenting that now, do I?).

So I grab Ali Murtaza and the Bilalman and reach The Forum bang on time at 530. Oh hey everything's set up, cool! Lets go lets go..."Sorry sir, families only hai aaj"...."(wtf) friday ko bhi..?"..."jee sir *greasy smile*".

At this point, an appropriate catchphrase to sum up my insanely foul mood would be "HULK F*CKNG SMASH!!!". All I bloody wanted was to show up at a show, with a couple of friends and have a good time and leave. Thats Fcking it! But no! Since our illiterate and unexposed nation is permeated with bloody asshole MAILAS who's idea of a good time comprises of taking pictures without consent and passing comments and general douchebaggery and since like our fckng police our security culture is to try and make the problem just go away without having to actually do anything about it, our people erect these hypocritical, discriminatory FAMILIES ONLY signs that suggest that if you don't have the appropriate amount of Y chromosomes in your immediate vicinity or preferably in you, youre a maila too! This is actually a ploy to hide the fact that any security apparatus erected is a sham and just window dressing. What's the bloody point of SECURITY if you can't fckng SECURE even the will to carry out your own objectives!?

We stayed around for a bit, tried to call in any people who could either bring "family" or be our "family" but to no avail. Some unknown younger brother-elder brother kept Bilal from contacting his elder brother Mikaal and asking him to help us out. He did however mention the situation to his mum when he called to see if he could wrangle his actual family(the kind thats real!) to come and in doing so get us in. That didn't work exactly as planned but it did. When we reached Bilal's house after giving up hope, we found that Mikaal had left and would get us in. By then I was thoroughly depressed, but my spirits slowly began to rise as we returned to the forum and lo and behold! Where there were 3 dudes, now there were 4! But we got in because we had a "family" member with us. Hurray for hypocrisy. Asswipes.

It was 630 when we got in and thankfully, ADP started just as we got in. Yay! Being vertically challenged, I had difficulty seeing over the heads of everyone in front of me. Since my compadres weren't as excited about the deal as I was, I made my way alone to the front...um..row. If you could call it that.



That's Imran Lodhi on bass btw. He's left, it's Ali alam now he's not in this video.

Once again, ADP were INSANE! OBA and Ali Alam were jumping so hard I thought the stage would collapse! OKs skinbeating was so furious the kit was vibrating to no end and Yasir was well...show stealing intermittently like he does. It seemed like this was the show. This was the headline. No one was waiting for Zeb and Haniya it seemed. I wasn't at least.
An eventful moment came in the form of OBA suddenly throwing down his guitar at some interruption and storming to the side to have what he surely wanted to be a heated conversation but it turned out to be a sheepish one as he, sheepishly, came to the mic and announced they would be taking an Azaan break.
They came back in a bit, continued their set and ended loud. Ali Alam took over guitar and vocal duties in between, that was tightness too. Then everyone left so that OBA could do Nazar solo. That didn't really work well due to the hustle and bustle of the environment. An issue that affected the response Z&H generated as well, but I'll get to that in a bit. They also debuted a new song which wasn't totally new but ah well, not everybody's as fan as me! Which isn't much either but over there I was hardcore baby!!

Z&H were up next. We finally discovered that out of the two the guitar player is Haniya and the only vocals madame is Zeb. Haniya had done something to her ankle and was thus sitting down. Their band was the dudes from Co-ven minus Omran. Heck if Omran'd shown up all my dreams would've come true. For just that night and that concert I mean.
So yeah, Sameer is a good bassist and I happen to adore his guitar, Sikandar Mufti is ace drumwise and lol, Humza Jafri is a Talibani. No he isn't but he has the requisite beard. It's more than a foot long! And omg! His guitar his a movable pickup! Instead of multiple pickups and selectors for them, the pickup itself moves! Amazing!



Initially Humza's back was turned to the audience for a couple of songs. Eventually he turned forward. Their show wasn't really wild and crazy, stark contrast to the ADP show but then, it wasn't supposed to be. This wasn't ADP this was Z&H, cool female bluesy folky singers from up north. They did what they do and they did it well. Although I felt their laidback vibe and softer music didn't really work well in attracting people in such a busy environment. A mall is a place where I can now safely assume you need to be loud to be noticed. Lots of requests were being shouted out and they played all their big songs; Aitebaar, Chup, Rona Chhor Diya etc. They even played a stripped down version of Paimana Bitte, on rampant request even though it wasn't part of their setlist.

They were giving out free tshirts too of that very show. But only to the frontmost of the front rows. That too only the girls. Who didn't even want them! Ugh! Discrimination strikes again!

It ended at that. I caught up with Yasir post-show and asked him what we(Flam!) needed to do to be able to play with ADP. He gave me the basic version, stuff that I already knew. get a sponsor, arrange a show etc. Couldn't really work up the courage to ask him if they had any shows coming up where they'd be willing to let us open. And then we left. But the night was not over. Oh no.


The Perilous Journey Home!
En route to Bilal's we stopped at Jeddah Haleem Center near the former Schon Circle in the Mottas area for shawarmas. After that, we'd just u-turned and were on our way towards Teen Talwar when on the turn above the underpass my car which was already out of gas, ran out of petrol as well. A situation I'd been dreading for a few days now since I'd been conducting mileage experiments on gas and had regularly been using up my petrol reserve without remembering to fill it up again. Darkie and Bilal got out and pushed but progress was slow. Very slow. Fortunately a petrol station was closeby but at the pace we were moving I had to get out too and push which somehow drastically improved progress.

As we reached the pump a passerby pointed out that my rear passenger side tire was punctured too. I had not noticed that, till then. I got fuel then turned to the corner where there was a tire shop. Got the tire fixed there. Then sped off to Bilals to drop him. and sped on towards my house. I had gotten barely half a kilometre away when I noticed my engine was heating up to unGodly levels The needle was ABOVE the H symbol! Itsa gonna blow!! I stopped quickly to the side and called Bilal and told him to bring me water to put in. Our inexperience in the matter and stories we'd heard about similar situations led me and Darkie to be overaly cautious when opening the radiator cap to put in water. The one bottle I did have with me I expended splashing all over the place, causing much steam to rise. The place was dark. Really dark. Mobile snatcher dark. Thankfully none came and eventually we got it open and by then Bilal showed up too. Filling up the water, I dropped him back to his house and left with Darkie once again. Thankfully I got home without the car acting up again. Though it did in the subsequent days and the effects of that incident have cost me 3300 bucks so far. Add the tire, shawarma and the fuel charges to that and we come to the grand figure of 3700.

Free concert? Alas, it did not prove to be.

Been down so long, getting up didn't cross my mind,
I knew there was a better way of life that I was just trying to find.
You don't know what you'll do until you're put under pressure,
Across 110th Street is a hell of a tester.